Closet

Hmm.. February. Time does moves so fast. It has been more than a year now, and the research still gives me headache . Come and see Phdcomics.com, where all the comics describe the world of a PhD... umm... you know.... kind of everyday get stressed, heheheheh .

As always, the place to freshen my day, writing on my blog. Today's topic, hmm... let's see what I've been collecting for my closet. I luv clothes made of silk. From online shopping, sure pictures can represent them .


WARNING: girl's talk, private story.

[[Apparels]]

*Images credit to carlvinoparis.com










Enough to make my cupboard full, and sure reduce my saving .


*Images credit to ebay.com






















I couldn't find another images (Ebay delets the auction after 90 days I guess), so I upload another similar model. The left one, I have a green one. The right picture, I bought a light creamy one.

*Images credit to wehkamp.nl, bought on opruiming season

I actually have another collection, but it's lingerie, hahahaha, so I don't think it's wise to put the pictures . Not a big problem to buy them online, since I know the measurement quite well. The design I recommend: Triumph, nice quality [nice price also ].


My other favorite design,,, still, love my country's.


*Images credit to griyazulfa

I collected, 15 .. umm.. 17 maybe, of their Taaj series jilbabs. I'm too lazy to embed all the designs, eheheheh. So I'll just embed the clothes.

[[Accessories]]

Where I order: A = Amazon, W = Wehkamp, E = Ebay








Embassy [A]







Guess (E) (W), might be given to my sister





(W), big crush on its sparkling; for my beloved Mom


(W), so simple; for my beloved Dad.

My sister will celebrate her birthday this month, while my parents next month. Anything for my brother? I don't know what to give. He always complains on gifts, makes me lazy to buy him some more. Actually I bought another gift, somebody is going to celebrate birthday next month, but I don't know if I can give it directly or not. I just happened to see nice box of perfume, then I ordered it, hehehehe, without thinking whether the scent will suit the person or not. People say perfume shows someone's personality, but... anyway, I've already bought it. And also... hmm... there is something bugging my head. Maybe it's better to just give it to my brother, though the scent is so man, maybe too heavy for a young boy. It's Karl Lagerfeld, anybody using it? Then you're so man, I guess .

From Ebay:

The white one, made of pearl, rhinestone, some are Swarovski. The green ones are made of jade and emerald. The blue bracelets, they are made of abalone. Nice stones :).

From Amazon, made of abalone, Swarovski, and sterling silver:

Wonder why I bought many? Some for my daily apparel, some not. God,,,it's not that I will wear so many things. Omiyage desu, omiyage. Making me strict out my bank account.


[[Skin care]]

Sometimes, when I'm in the state of ... hmm... kind of falling apart. In an atmosphere of drying out of spirit... the moment when I just want to scream out loudly,,, sure it's nice to think if only I could share those kind of things with somebody. I couldn't complain on those things to my parents, it's just... I don't know, maybe weird. It's nice to sometimes hang around with some friends, but sometimes it just doesn't solve the problem. It's interesting to see, everybody is busy. Am I busy? No, I'm not. I always have time to please my self... and to please you as long as it's interesting to do. If I start to feel,,, something is getting boring, unexciting... then I will leave it, forget it, and start doing something else. No compromise, unfortunately.


*Images credit to Sasa.com
Warning: watch out your bank account, hahahaha. But yeah, once in a while pampering our own body is worth it.


- Moisturizer: Pond's complete care, Pond's flawless white
Suisse programme, cellular whitening, whitening block spf25
Scinic, fine control BB cream

Why I use different kinds of moisturizer? Well, umm... beauticians say, if you only stick in one product, your skin will immune to it.

- Night cream: Isqueen crystal white series, crystal white night

- Mask. When I feel so tired, and get stressed for some reasons, normally I use mask and go to bed with it, hoping to get a nice dream, maybe meeting a kind of dream prince out there, hehehehe. Forget the world, for a while.

SK-II, texture care facial treatment mask
Catena, whitening and pore shrinking mask
Cettua, before having date collagen essence mask
Cosmed, phyto collagen lifting and whitening hydrating
Ponds, double white facial mask

Sisley, exfoliating & mask express flower gel

Why I use different kind of mask? Well,,, umm, just wanna try, have no particular reasons. I don't like going to beauty clinic. That will steal too much time.

- Eyecare: Beauticians say, a woman should start treating her eyes in her early twenties. Someone who treats her eyes right, will see the result when she is in her forties. So, it's kind of 20 years of investment? Might be. I use such kind of treatment, because lately my eyes feel so tired.
Clinique all about eye, all about eyes
Hisamitsu lifecella milky lotion
Hisamitsu lifecella botanical collagen eye mask
Cettua, my bright face mate, brightening patch

- Eyelash care: eyeliner pencil and mascara from The Body Shop, DHC eyelash moisturizer
Kai, compact eyelash curler
Lana cane, makeup eyeliner eyebrow pencil

My daily eyelash care is DHC. I use the other ones when I am... hmm... in a big stres, heheheh, use them at home.

- Compact powder: Shiseido, Majolica majorca skin remaker spf 18 PA+

- Nail care: The Body Shop nail buffer
Grazer, foldable 4 sides nail file
Sasa nail file

Gosh... I don't know why I'm writing these , to kill time maybe ... . Thinking about the research hurts my brain, so I have to find another thing to escape. Some friends comment on my shopping-related thing, kind of saying... "poor you husband-to-be, he must have a lot of money". God,,, I know a way to buy the things as cheapest as I can get [trust me on that, I don't like spending my money unnecessarily], I use my own money, I also have my own saving, I invest my money also, so what on earth is it related to my husband-to-be? Geeze, thinking about husband-related things makes my brain hurt even more. In a way that I don't even want to think about it.


By the way, to think that now it's February. Already February... That means... next two months, I'll be 24. Can you imagine that? I'll be 24!!!.... I'm getting old... old... old...




....

Nyahahahaha, berlebihan . Lebay kalo kata anak muda sekarang mah . So..so.. before getting that 24, hahah, masih tetep we teu kabayang... ih, gak kerasa udah mau 24 lagi, heuheuheuheu...

Hmm... hmmm...


God, I just can't rest my minddddddd... hhhhh...
This research is ... arghhhh...


Hmm... hmm... nulis apa ya. Aduh, iyeu mumet kieuuuuuuuuuuu.... . Harus nulis, nulis, nyari pelarian... numpahin uneg-uneg. Hmm... campur bahasa Indo ah, bahasa Inggris semua mah cape, mesti mikir, hehehe.


Hmm...hmm...


Hmm.. Rachma pengen mengevaluasi resolusi [gagayaan pake kata resolusi ]... pokona eta we lah, yang sempat Rachma tulis pas milad tahun lalu. Kan Rachma pernah nulis, salah satunya teh "pengen ngilangin hawa-hawa ill feel ama cowok" . I'll evaluate that part first, because I think... well, this might be interesting topic to share [hahaha, I mostly understand that somebody's private story is more than interesting to know, right? ], and also... hmm, there is something bugging my head about this. If you wonder why I write my... umm... let's say private life here, in a blog [where anybody in the world can access it. Yeah, that's why you're reading it now. Gotcha!! hahah]... It's because it's helping me being honest to my self. I don't mind people reading it (yeah, who cares. Do you care? Well, I don't ). But I do hope, that you'll be keeping it to just yourself. With all my respects, I repeat, I do hope you'll be keeping it to just yourself. We'll see what kind of person you are when you read someone's secret... hihihihi .


Let's start with... hmm... an image of my dream prince. Dream prince?
Nyahahaha, again, lebay .


Waktu masih kecil [dalam artian belum terdoktrin apapun], Rachma ngefans banget ama Mamoru Chiba. If you've forgotten, here he is [gambar diambil dari web ini dan ini ]:




Dulu kalo ngeliat Mamoru tuh gimana gitu, keren aja gitu liatnya, handsome and cool, heuheuheu. Kalo sekarang mah yang ada malah pengen ketawa ngakak, kok bisa gitu ya Rachma ngefans ama kartun. Dibulak balik pun tetep mikir... ini Mamoru cakepnya di mana sih, wajahnya kartun banget gitu... heuheuheu . But one thing that remains the same, I like to see a man in suit. Can't help it. Heheheheh. Yah, a man, dalam artian spesifik . Kesannya tuh gimana ya, hmm.. gentleman maybe. I just like it. Bingung ternyata kalo mesti ngurai alesannya, hehe.


Kalo sekarang, hmm... ah satu lagi, Rachma suka ngeliat orang pake baju koko. Again, alesan teu jelas . Kalo dari segi fisik, I have no specific thing to discuss. Soalnya... aduh gimana ya, sensor Rachma masih off, heuheuheu. Kadang temen Rachma suka nanya, "Ma, si itu cakep gak? Curiga yang dianggap cakep cuman itu doang"... Rachma jawabnya... "Ngg... kalo jadi suami baru dianggap cakep"... hihihihi, abis itu mikir-mikir... hmm, orang itu teh setau Rachma termasuk cakep, dalam artian... fansnya banyak bangeeettttsssss. Jadi kalo liat friendsternya, ahahahah, satu hal yang paling Rachma hindari, soalnya kalo abis liat pagenya suka jealous, hihihihi , komennya banyak dari cewek sih. Kadang mikir, duh cewek sekarang ko agresif-agresif yaaaa [kaya Rachma masuk generasi mana gitu, heuheuheu]. Nah, jadi kalo liat orang itu teh... gimana atuh ya... da Rachma teh masih bingung kalo buat menkonklusikan dia cakep [Heuheu, emang penting ya konklusi itu? ]. Sensor Rachma biasanya masih normal di awal-awal liat, tapi pas nginget-nginget tuh, hmm,,,, aduh dulu pas pertama liat dia gimana ya... lupa, heuheuheu. Yang jelas mah nyaman aja sih, gak ngebosenin. Rachma suka liat orang itu senyum, suka denger ketawanya. Jadi kalo sukanya karena cakep, hayah... no komen eta mah, mikir dulu. If only some smiles can brighten up my days, then one of them is his. Just.. you know, simply the way he is... menentramkan [yang Rachma pun gak ngerti efeknya kok bisa begituh]. I hate that feeling, sometimes. Soalnya... apa ya, kadang suka ngerasa bersalah sih. I mean... he is my friend. Having something special is like betraying him, I am supposed to support him in every occassion, every. But when it comes to ... hmm, the possibility of another woman [hehehe, kayak merk baju ], my heart is filled up with jealousy. It frightens me, for some reasons. And he... sometimes I feel he is too kind, in a way that... umm... kind of making me helpless. That is also frightening, for some other reasons .


Pernah ngobrol ama salah satu temen, ngebahas qada dan qadar, di mana jodoh itu termasuk qada, dalam artian masih bisa diubah dengan usaha dan do'a. When it comes to changing destiny... the fact is... I care about him, that's for sure true, but not in the meaning to being obsessed to have him by my side. He is free to live his life, he is free to take any choices, any decisions, for his own good. I respect him, to the point that I don't want to interfere or trap, or maybe trick him to be by my side by praying. I honor him the way he is, to the point that I have to be careful with my own hopes, with what I wish for. I'm old enough to understand, a good decision is when a person decides something at his own willing, so that he will clearly responsible of his decision at any cost. Kalo nurutin keinginan doang mah, kelintas da, ya Allah.. boleh gak ya berdo'a dia jadi suami Rachma, hihihihi. Walo logika berkata, "Rachma... niet doen. Gak boleh memaksakan kehendak, niet goed. Tidak baik.".... yah, begitulah, rieut. Heheheheh.


So to say, hawa-hawa ill feel ama cowok bisa dibilang udah gak ada lah ya. Tapi [ada tapinya ], saat ini sedang tidak tertarik untuk... apa ya, deket ama cowok [mungkin spesifiknya males deket ama cowok selain orang itu, heheheh]. Lagi dalam fase "cape", soalnya dipdkt-in teh disadari ato nggak nguras energi. Jadi weh males . Kalo dulu masih punya energi untuk merespon, untuk sekedar menebak-nebak "Is he the one? Is he?". Walo sering dihantui rasa bersalah, gimana ya kalo orang itu teh bukan jodoh Rachma, ntar gimana dong Rachma mempertanggungjawabkan hal ini [seakan-akan merespon niat baik cowok itu adalah suatu kejahatan mahadahsyat]. Kalo sekarang mah, kalo ada yang ngedeketin teh, hayah, teu mood ngaresponna ge, hehehehehe. Kata salah satu temen mah, masuk sindrom wanita karir, hihi. Kalo ditanya ama temen "suka ngerasa bersalah gak sih sama sang jodoh beneran?", Rachma sekarang ngejawab skeptis "Yah, gimana ya. Rachma kan gak tau jodoh Rachma siapa. Kalo orang yang saat ini Rachma peduliin [hihihi, sapa coba? ], misal dia bukan jodoh Rachma, ya paling ama jodoh beneran Rachma bakal bilang: salah sendiri munculnya telat ", nyahahahaha . Bukannya penjelasannya adalah prinsip siapa cepat dia yang dapat? Heuheuheu, tambah skeptis lagi .


Kadang emang Rachma ngerasa, ke sini ke sini jadi makin skeptis ama hidup. Eheuheuheu, perlu kalibrasi sigana . Misal, kalo ada yang muji, ceritanya dia teh lagi pdkt: "Rachma cantik, suaranya bagus... bla bla bla... ", kalo dulu mah kan sambil bilang makasih alhamdulillah teh dalam hati pun emang merasa tersanjung dan beneran bersyukur. Kalo sekarang mah, bilang makasih alhamdulillah tapi dalam hati "ni orang bilang gitu pasti ada maunya. Ih, ngeri, harus dijauhi... dijauhi..."... ya Allah... kenapa diriku teh jadi paranoid beginih,,,,,hihihih, jadi ngeri sendiri, serius .


Sejak Agustus, rutinitas kesosialan Rachma sedikit bergeser. Terutama yang nyangkut internet. Hohoho, Ik hou van internet , tapi gak segitunya ampe can't live without it sih... masih bisa hidup normal kok . Sedikit bergeser karena... jadi males ngecek email, males fs-an, apalagi fesbuk-an. Suka terkesima kalo liat halaman home fesbuk, hohoho... orang lain niat amat yak... eksis di fesbuk kalo kata temen mah, hehehe. Udah gitu jadi males ceting, baik ym, gtalk, maupun skype. Gak tau kenapa, pokona mah bawaanna males weh. Kalo dulu mah, seneng gitu ngobrol-ngobrol, sharing-sharing... sekarang mah gak tau ah, asa males aja.


Kalo internetan, banyakannya pasif, buka halaman ini, baca-baca dikit, kalo lagi pengen ninggalin jejak... baru nulis apa gitu, kalo gak mah maju lagi ke halaman lain. Paling sering streaming film. Sambil ngemil segala macem, nonton we terus. Ampe ngantuk, terus tidur. Kalo ada yang nge-ym, jawabnya pasti lamaaaaaaa, seolah-olah energi untuk ngetik di ym tuh gede banget . Kalo ada yang maksa-maksa pengen dijawab terus ymnya, bawaannya pasti bete. Terus Rachma jadi males ngobrol ama tuh orang [hihihihihi, maaf... lagi fase gak mood ym-an ]. Kerasanya tuh apa ya, ngeganggu, padahal Rachma juga gak sibuk-sibuk amat sih. Tapi kerasanya kalo cuman buat ngobrol say hi-hi teh asa males we bawaannya. Kecuali sama,,,, hmm,,, hehehehe.


Suatu waktu, beberapa bulan lalu, dalam kondisi lagi antisosial... as always, Mama Rachma bercerewet ria tentang masalah jodoh, dan usahanya. Singkat cerita, didoktrinlah Rachma untuk tidak dingin sama cowok, gak boleh nutup hati cenah, harus ramah. Jadilah Rachma mikir, hmm... apa emang perlu ya berpindah ke lain hati? Hihihihihi. Karena satu dan lain hal, jadilah Rachma membuka diri untuk... ngg... apa ya, mencari kecocokan meureun? Wehehehehe. Ta... pi, setiap kali Rachma... hmm... naon nya, ngobrol sama orang bukan orang itu, heuheuh , efekna teh pasti weh bete sendiri dan ngerasa bersalah sendiri. Jadi pan Rachma teh laporan ama Mama, intina mah mengajukan somasi, lagi males ngerespon cowok. Didoktrin deui ama Mama, harus begini harus begitu. Okeh... okeh, dicoba deui... cinta bisa dateng belakangan cenah . Satu kali, dua kali... tuh rasa bersalah kaya tertimbun, dan tetep we bete bawaannya. Sampe akhirnya, curhat lah sama temen, menumpahkan kebetean, nyari hiburan . Dibahas kaditu kadieu, tampaknya tidak ada yang salah. Rachma, status belum menikah, belum terikat siapa pun... berusaha merespon niat baik orang, titik. Tapi kenapa ya, kerasa banget rasa bersalahnya. Spesifik lagi ama satu orang, heuheuheuh. Kalo dulu kan masih gaya, gak mau pacaran, gak mau deket, soalnya ngerasa bersalah sama jodoh yang sebenarnya. Kalo sekarang mah, menjurus ke satu nama, padahal kan belum tentu juga dia jodoh .


Ampe temen Rachma ngomong gini: "Emang dia ngerasa bersalah juga sama Rachma seandainya dia deket ma cewek lain?".... Rachma mikir... hmmm, ya meneketehe dia ngerasa bersalah ato nggak, itu mah tanggung jawabnya dia . "Belum terikat apa-apa kan? Lagian dia juga gak tau kan?"... hohoho, dia sih emang gak tau... supposed not to read this blog also [kecuali kalo Mbah Google nyasar ke sini, well, ummm... nya nasib eta mah, hehehehehe. Ih, lagian kan anonim. Geer banget siy, hihihihihi ]. Tapi kan Allah mah tau ya. Ah, lieur Rachma.


Hmm, chapter tentang dream prince selse [tetep pengen ketawa ama istilah dream prince, apalagi Mamoru, heuheuheuh ]. Sekarang tentang naon nya... hmm... dream land aja. Akhir-akhir ini dunia mimpi Rachma rame banget, ampe stres Rachma, heuheuheuh. Kalo kata temen mah, Rachma diteror lewat mimpi . Sebetulnya, isi mimpinya bagus, tapi justru karena bagus itulah Rachma jadi stres sendiri. Dulu kan sering juga mimpiin orang itu, tapi udah lama banget nggak [kalo keseringan mah, Rachma bosen juga kali, asa aneh gitu mimpiin orang yang sama terus ]. Sering mimpiin lagi karena... hehehe, jadi tiap kali Rachma berniat untuk berpindah ke lain hati, hihihihi, pasti weh malemnya teh mimpiin dia. Sekali dua kali sih Rachma belum ngeh ada tren itu, tapi pas lama-lama baru nyadar, kan kalo abis berusaha merespon orang teh suka bete sendiri nya, nah ditambah lagi malemna teh mimpiin orang itu, hayah, jadi weh tambah bete. Betenya tuh karena ngerasa bersalah, dalam artian apa ya, kaya ketauan selingkuh ... kekekekekek ngeri amat bahasanya selingkuh . Padahal kalo diliat-liat lagi mah, belum ada ikatan apapun, kenapa ngerasanya kaya gitu yak . Di setiap mimpinya, dia pasti dateng selalu dengan wajah tersenyum ramah tanpa dosa [senyumnya itu lo, bikin Rachma jadi kaya tersangka ], ntah kenapa di scene mimpinya selalu ada mukena, dan dia selalu nyuruh Rachma sholat. Mayan sering ada scene di mana Rachma dengerin dia baca Al-Qur'an, di mana pas dengernya Rachma terkesima, dan mikir-mikir kenapa suaranya jadi paling indah sedunia, hehehehe berlebihan . Tapi seriusan loh, scenenya gak jauh-jauh dari situ. Gimana gak ngerasa bersalah coba? . Kadang dia nasehatin apa gitu di mimpinya [di dunia nyata mana ada Rachma langsung bilang iya-iya ajah, ih nurut mah pilih-pilih atuh, heuheuheuh, milih nurut yang baik-baik maksudnya ]. Walo kadang suka mikir, euleuh-euleuh... kenapa di dunia mimpi itu dia yang cerewet, heheheheh. Karena sering, lambat laun jadi ngerasa... apa ya, familiar banget. Kadang juga ngerasa, ini mah mimpinya siga iklan deui, iklan yang menggoda iman, hihihihi. Mostly it hits down my weakness right on the spot. Kalo pas lagi sadar sih, bisa mendoktrin diri, dalam artian yah eta mah cuman mimpi, mimpi mah masih bisa dicampuri setan, ditaburi bumbu-bumbu. Jadi, lupakan sajah. Kalo lagi biasa-biasa gini mah, ya biasa juga sih, gak ngefek. Tapi kalo pas ngobrol ama orangnya, baru kerasa... logika Rachma tidak berjalan dengan baik, dalam artian... naon nya, sigana perasaan lebih dominan. Kitu we lah pokoknya. Cool, calm, confident, padahal dalam hati mikir-mikir... iyeu kunaon logika Rachma teu jalan kieu, heuheuheuh.


Tapi, hmm, dia emang sering sih ngasi nasehat gitu, dan Rachma seneng dengerinnya. Karena... mmm... apa ya... suka aja sih dengernya. Bisa jadi karena Rachma suka mendengar cerita, denger orang ngobrol, ato bisa juga karena... hmm, mengingatkan Rachma sama ortu. Ortu Rachma kan sering banget ngasi nasehat, dan Rachma suka dengerin nasehat, soalnya dapet ilmu gratis , kalo nyari sendiri mah kan kadang suka ada malesnya, hehehe. Walo kadang, Rachma jadinya mesti mikir, misal ditanya " Rachma, jadi apa hikmah waktu jalan-jalan ke Jerman kemaren?". Ditanya gitu, Rachma mikir... hayah, naon nya hikmahna, itu mah perasaan hura-hura semuah, heheheheh, kan vacation namanya juga heuheuheuheu. Tapi kalo dah direnungi lagi mah, ada sih hikmahnya, walopun hal-hal kecil, insya Allah banyak hikmah yang bisa diambil . Hmm, betewe, sigana kuping orangnya udah merah, digosipin di sini . Jaga-jaga ah, bisi baca... terus orangnya ngerasa [ih geer ih... hehehe ],,, Rachma minta maaf telah melibatkan dirimu dalam salah satu edisi corat coret gak jelas. Ah satu lagi, status in relationship, eheuheuheu, dare desu ka? Hmm... mungkin... waktunya Rachma berpindah ke lain hati, kekekekek .


Apdetan di rumah, hmm... some hurt my brain, some make me laugh loudly. Kalo kata adik Rachma mah, Mama jadi semakin agresif dalam urusan menjodohkan anak-anaknya. Karena Rachma bukan orang yang mudah dipaksa [kalopun dipaksa Mama, tinggal laporin ke Papa aja, heheheheh ], jadinya yang jadi sasaran acara penjodohan adalah adik Rachma. Stres dia, heuheuheu.... Sebetulnya, udah ada beberapa orang yang dijodohin ama adik Rachma, cuman karena mereka teh udah pada mapan, jadi pada narik nikah cepet-cepet, sedangkan adik Rachma masih seneng main-main, lagian masih muda banget kaleeeee... , dan katanya gak boleh ngelangkahin Rachma. Sedangkan Rachma orangnya cuek, jadi sudah Rachma ikrarkan, kalo emang ada yang ngajak nikah adik Rachma terus udah pada cocok, ya mu nikah mah nikah aje, jangan nunggu Rachma dulu. Kasian betul, yang mau ngegenapin dien pake diundur-undur segala. Tentu saja Mama menentang hal ini, hihihihi, alasannya cenah tetangga mah belum tentu gitu tanggapannya. Hayah, ribet amat mesti mikirin omongan tetangga segala, kenapa sih Mamahku teh, takut anaknya disebut gak laku gitu? Heuheuheuh, asa berlebihan.


Anyway, for whatever happens, for whatever will be going on, I believe, everything happens in this world has its own reason, to teach all of us a lot of things. That's why, I always feel, no matter what, I'm lucky to know him, I'm lucky to know all of you, cause by knowing a lot of people, I'm becoming more aware about life, about the world, and of course about my own self. Sure, in the other side, I do hope to meet the one who loves me the way I am. The man who, with all his best in knowledge about some things in this world, is willing to share them with me, guide me to live a much much better life. The man who, with his own reasons, is willing to make me happy, such that I am willing to make him happy even more. The man,,, might be him, might be you, might be somebody else, or there is also chance that I will never meet him in this world. Only God knows.


Sure there are still a lot of secrets bugging my head... in a way that currently they only turn into tears. Sure I hope one day I can share them with somebody. The man, a good one.


Hoho, this post is looooooooooooooooooooong. Yeah, and now I need to find something to boost up my spirit...


Argggh, somebodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, help meeeeee.... .

... miss my home.