Friday 26 October 2007

The rule of world

Naif, satu kata yang pernah terlontar oleh lawan bicara ketika Rachma cerita, sharing pandangan Rachma tentang dunia. Cukup memberi jeda untuk berpikir… benarkah Rachma terlalu naïf?
I used to see the world as a wonderful place, full of joy, happiness, laughter, and yeah… with the addition of sadness and tears. That’s why it’s easy for me to laugh, to smile, but also to cry :P.
Lately, it’s getting tired to know that world is not that wonderful, though I always ensure my self that it’s just a part of growing up – getting to know the real life -.
I found, the skill of pretending is one way to survive; indeed it’s a best way to make everyone happy. Then I try to get used to wearing a mask that everybody demands. Meantime I wonder, why people always insist the good things for them selves.
To be ordinary is to be happy wearing a mask, acting following all ‘common’ rules, hiding every single ‘unnecessary’ thing, choosing the ‘right’ gesture and ‘correct’ words, showing the ‘proper’ feeling, all to make ‘everyone’ happy.
But I don’t like living like that. That would be very boring, wouldn’t it? Indeed, it is really boring. So for many times I always ask – what is the real meaning of life then? –
Idealism -that’s something come into my mind- probably is the causa-prima of all the disappointments. Disappointment of life, unpredictable way of thinking, causing lose of taste of life. What taste? Strawberry? Chocolate? :P
Some thinking is considered unethical to be discussed directly, that for some people it may be considered unimportant case. That’s the main reason, the urgent one, of having unlived-listener, the never-complain-listener. Grammatically, one may find four parts of learning: listening, reading, writing, and speaking. Most of all, I find interesting part in the passive ways: listening and reading. I like listening or reading to someone’s story, knowing the flow of it, and find the good inside it. It is just like getting more knowledge of life. I can’t explain it explicitly … but I always feel like lacking experience in life, knowledge of life, thus I’m excited to know people’s story more and more… willingly to be taught at, and happily get in touch with new things.
There are some people who can be great story tellers, the ones who can tell some stories in an interesting way, attractive until the end. Some people who can present a complicated knowledge in a simple approach, an easy way to understand. I would be very happy to be one of them :), trying to tell you my life story, hoping that you can get some good values in it. I’m not pleased to give you a complicated lesson by providing you some serious discussions or some problematical issues… although deep in side, I do hope that one of you will understand what I really want to tell about.
It’s quite hard to convey explicitly what I really want, what I need… what I demand. Let’s say… I’m shy to tell it :P. For some habitual ways of life … I used to only telling some ‘unimportant’ stories, that some people will only consider it as ‘garbage’. I don’t mind with that, I don’t mind at all if there is someone who delicately consider me as find-better-stories one :P. As wise man may say, it’s just a part of getting to know the real world :D.
But, passive is not always the best way of course. Many times I have to be more expressive, more active, demand more and more… mimic ordinary people, although deep inside I don’t like to be ‘too’ active. I don’t like debating someone; I don’t like confronting someone… don’t like to be too interested in something, despite the fact that it can make me ‘more live’, ‘more people-liked’
Then, I’m start asking… ‘What do I really want in this life?’
… ‘What am I looking for in this world?’
Sadly… the answer is still ‘I don’t know yet’.
Knowing the answer by heart, that’s what I mean. Knowing it theoretically is another case, and that’s not enough for me to act as if I know what I really want and what I’m looking for in this life.
I always feel like being thirsty of knowledge, getting excited to gather new things, some things that I can use to move on this life… something meaningful. Thus, I do respect someone who is willing to share his/her knowledge, willing to be my teacher of life :).
Well anyhow… tomorrow is graduation day…
I should have had some plans for the following months…but the fact is…I’m too tired to visualize some theoretical plans. So I just think, yesterday have passed, and tomorrow have not begun, that means I should only think how to live this present day.
[Welcome to the real world, Rachma]


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