Friday, 26 October 2007

The rule of world

Naif, satu kata yang pernah terlontar oleh lawan bicara ketika Rachma cerita, sharing pandangan Rachma tentang dunia. Cukup memberi jeda untuk berpikir… benarkah Rachma terlalu naïf?
I used to see the world as a wonderful place, full of joy, happiness, laughter, and yeah… with the addition of sadness and tears. That’s why it’s easy for me to laugh, to smile, but also to cry :P.
Lately, it’s getting tired to know that world is not that wonderful, though I always ensure my self that it’s just a part of growing up – getting to know the real life -.
I found, the skill of pretending is one way to survive; indeed it’s a best way to make everyone happy. Then I try to get used to wearing a mask that everybody demands. Meantime I wonder, why people always insist the good things for them selves.
To be ordinary is to be happy wearing a mask, acting following all ‘common’ rules, hiding every single ‘unnecessary’ thing, choosing the ‘right’ gesture and ‘correct’ words, showing the ‘proper’ feeling, all to make ‘everyone’ happy.
But I don’t like living like that. That would be very boring, wouldn’t it? Indeed, it is really boring. So for many times I always ask – what is the real meaning of life then? –
Idealism -that’s something come into my mind- probably is the causa-prima of all the disappointments. Disappointment of life, unpredictable way of thinking, causing lose of taste of life. What taste? Strawberry? Chocolate? :P
Some thinking is considered unethical to be discussed directly, that for some people it may be considered unimportant case. That’s the main reason, the urgent one, of having unlived-listener, the never-complain-listener. Grammatically, one may find four parts of learning: listening, reading, writing, and speaking. Most of all, I find interesting part in the passive ways: listening and reading. I like listening or reading to someone’s story, knowing the flow of it, and find the good inside it. It is just like getting more knowledge of life. I can’t explain it explicitly … but I always feel like lacking experience in life, knowledge of life, thus I’m excited to know people’s story more and more… willingly to be taught at, and happily get in touch with new things.
There are some people who can be great story tellers, the ones who can tell some stories in an interesting way, attractive until the end. Some people who can present a complicated knowledge in a simple approach, an easy way to understand. I would be very happy to be one of them :), trying to tell you my life story, hoping that you can get some good values in it. I’m not pleased to give you a complicated lesson by providing you some serious discussions or some problematical issues… although deep in side, I do hope that one of you will understand what I really want to tell about.
It’s quite hard to convey explicitly what I really want, what I need… what I demand. Let’s say… I’m shy to tell it :P. For some habitual ways of life … I used to only telling some ‘unimportant’ stories, that some people will only consider it as ‘garbage’. I don’t mind with that, I don’t mind at all if there is someone who delicately consider me as find-better-stories one :P. As wise man may say, it’s just a part of getting to know the real world :D.
But, passive is not always the best way of course. Many times I have to be more expressive, more active, demand more and more… mimic ordinary people, although deep inside I don’t like to be ‘too’ active. I don’t like debating someone; I don’t like confronting someone… don’t like to be too interested in something, despite the fact that it can make me ‘more live’, ‘more people-liked’
Then, I’m start asking… ‘What do I really want in this life?’
… ‘What am I looking for in this world?’
Sadly… the answer is still ‘I don’t know yet’.
Knowing the answer by heart, that’s what I mean. Knowing it theoretically is another case, and that’s not enough for me to act as if I know what I really want and what I’m looking for in this life.
I always feel like being thirsty of knowledge, getting excited to gather new things, some things that I can use to move on this life… something meaningful. Thus, I do respect someone who is willing to share his/her knowledge, willing to be my teacher of life :).
Well anyhow… tomorrow is graduation day…
I should have had some plans for the following months…but the fact is…I’m too tired to visualize some theoretical plans. So I just think, yesterday have passed, and tomorrow have not begun, that means I should only think how to live this present day.
[Welcome to the real world, Rachma]

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

Betsu ni

-No, not at all-

Ada lirik lagu, sapa yah yang nyanyiin... mmm... Ronan Keeting kah?, yang isi lagunya ada kalimat ‘when you’re saying nothing at all’.

Ketika blog surfing di dunia antah berantah bersaudarakan dunia maya, cyber world, internet :P, menemukan frase ‘betsu ni’...

Mmm, gak tau juga ya bakal nyambung ato gak sama apa yang mu Rachma tik selanjutnya... pokoknya kali ini pengen judul postingnya betsu ni, titik

:P

Posisi... di tengah kamarnya A***, dah mu dua malem ini nginep... [numpang deng, heuheuheu]...

Tadi ujan... deras... jadi ajah seharian di labkomp, surfing sana sini ampe bosen....

Comment sana sini, hehehehe, ngejunk di blog orang :P. Maaf bagi yang merasa dikasi komen gak penting. Gomen ;)

Jadi, daripada nge-junk di blog orang, mending nge-junk di blog sendiri ajah :D. Sekali lagi mengingatkan, bagi – yang kebetulan – nyasar ngebrowse blog Rachma, this is my so-called online diary :P.

I consider it as ‘home’, jadi Rachma dekor sesuka hati :D. Maaf kalo jadinya bikin yang baca sakit mata...

Blog ini tidak didesain untuk dibaca, bilih bosen maca curhatan Rachma wae mah, hanya didesain untuk dibaca sang pemilik blog ajah, yang tiada lain tiada bukan adalah Rachma sendiri, hehehe :D

Lumayan ateuh, kalo lagi bosen sama novel, anime, dorama dan sebangsanya, baca-baca lagi curhatan dan uneg-uneg pribadi. Mengenang, hooo... ternyata dulu tuh Rachma pernah ngerasa gini ya, gitu ya... dan sebangsanya :P

Mau serius-seriusan? Japri dooooong. Modal dikit, kalo mau ngobrol seriusan sama Rachma mesti person to person, heheheheh :D.

Mau ngobrolin agama? Politik? Iptek? Science? Curhat mutu pake teori psikologi? Yuuuuk.... heuheuheu. Rachma mah emang dasarnya suka ngobrol ketang, makanya hayu-hayu aja kalo mu ngobrolin apa pun :P.

Kalo tiba-tiba Rachma pendiem, that means

“DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I”M NOT IN THE MOOD TO TALK WITH YOU?”

hahahahaha

:D

[devil mode: ON]

Or it can also mean:

“duh...gak nyaman banget sih nih tempat, duh BERISIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIK, BISA DIEM GAK SIH???... duh... :-(...”

Atau bisa juga...

“ ni orang ngomong apa sih? Bahasa dewa banget.... ~_~

Ni orang serius banget sih, gak ada lucu-lucunya...”

Beda kalo Rachma nyaman sama lawan bicara... kerasa semangat aja gitu buat ngobrolnya :D

Well, mungkin itu sebagian dari the selfish of me....

Susahnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mengurangi rasa egois, kekekekek.

I should learn more how to live the life....:)

Sama seperti ketika Rachma dengan suara rendah, ekspresi datar dan bilang ‘ya, gpp’ ... betsu ni...kemudian ditutup dengan senyum manis [bukan flirting lho ya.. :P]. Deep inside I whisper... ‘how can this person do that to me?’

:P

That’s life... that’s the art of pretending.

Why some people call it “art”?

Because not everyone can act well :). Ya, kalo semua bisa acting mah, gak seru atuh.... ntar gimana nasib ajang perang bintang macem Oscar dan sebangsanya? :P

Hehehe

Ngomong-ngomong tentang acting... jadi ya, kemaren itu Rachma abis nonton film ... tentang cowok yang pura-pura jadi pembantu cewek yang pura-puranya jadi puteri [nah lo... :P]...

Pokoknya yang mainnya tuh yang jadi Ran di film detective conan versi manusia. Pas nontonnya... omigod... –maaf kalo terkesan memojokkan salah satu pemain- tapi sayangnya... duh... tu cewek manjanya nggak banget deh, kurang pas ,,,

jadi ngeliatnya tuh agak-agak gimana gituh.... jzjzjzjzj. Padahal yah, Rachma tuh sempet berkesimpulan, dari banyaknya dorama dan anime yang telah ditonton... cewek jepun tuh manjah pisanh, heuheuehu... terus Rachma sangkut pautkan ma sejarah Geishanya jepun :D, gak nyambung sih, maksa itu mah :P.

Secara fitrah, cewek emang punya bakat manja dari sononya kali yah... bekal buat ngegodain suami meureun, hehehehe :D.

[ya, yang ngerasa manja.. kurangin tuh manjanya! :P]

Backsound kali ini... lagu berjudul ‘tentang kita’ yang dinyangiin ma Julian Cely [nyanyiin bahasa Indo] dan Terry [nyanyiin French] pas acaranya mama mia, heheh. Sebenernya sih pengen punya versi aslinya yang dinyanyiin ma Julian Cely [nyanyiin bagian French-nya] dan Anggun[nyanyi pake bahasa indo dooong :D]. Setelah lagu javanaise-nya Anggun, yang secara rela hati Rachma nyari liriknya pleus belajar ngeja bahasa prancis :P, demi bisa nyanyiin tuh lagu hehehe....giliran pengen bisa juga nyanyiin lagu ‘tentang kita’ ini dengan fasih :). Asli da Rachma suka banget ma lagu ini :D


Jam kompie menunjukkan pukul 12.56 a.m...

Ntah mengapa sang ngantuk belum datang jugah... ieu jam tidur masih keukeuhnya ngikut jam eropah.... :(, jadi susah sendiri...

Suasana... sepi, sunyi, walo winamp dengan setianya masih menemani....

Tadi abis makan gokana 4 hasil delivery pleus maksa buat dikasi bonus welcome snacks :D.

.....

continuing....

bangun kesiangan, jam 9 :P

terus meluncur ke annex, nanda tangan ijazah, ngambil toga ukuran S [tumben toga S nya bagus, gak segede-gede gaban kayak s1 dulu :P]

terus ke labkomp, ngisi data diri c*m l***e, dan berakhir dengan kembali mantengin laptop....

menambah list google reader, wordpressnya seseorang [gak bilang ma yang punya, da belum kenal :P], suka aja pas liat blognya, terutama bagian header, tampak innocent [ya iya lah, wong yang dipasang gambar kartun gitu, heheheh]

backsoundnya.... everything, dinyanyiin ma Michael Buble...

alright... I'm 22 already, sambil cenah nyandang lambang gajah level master di jidat...

sudah harus dewasa, suppose to be more mature...

fiuhhh...


*ditulis ketika...

pengen sendirian, but need a friend nearby....

temen dalam artian emang nemenin ajah...

yang saat dia bertanya "what's up? is something going wrong?"

Rachma akan menjawab "iie, betsu ni"

A lot of things happened, I want to share it but I don't know how to explain it completely...

I'm confused, empty...

daijoubu janai

I just need a friend nearby, 'cause I found I was too scared to be alone.

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