Friday, 29 February 2008

Kabisat

Yap, hari ini tanggal 29 Februari, muncul tiap empat tahun sekali saat tahun kabisat. Jadi, 2008 yang bisa dibagi 4 itu masuk kabisat kan ya? :D. Pantesan hari ini mediamarkt ngadain diskon gede-gedean, *ntah ada hubungannya ma kabisat ato nggak :D*, yang jelas, ntar sore mu ke sana, refreshing, hehehe. Mu hunting mixer dan blender, sapa tau ada tulisan laatste prijs nya :D.

Mengucapkan selamat ulang tahun pada siapa pun yang ultahnya tanggal 29 Februari... karunya pisan harus nunggu 4 tahun biar tanggal lahirnya muncul di kalender masehi... [makanya yang diinget kalender hijriah ajah :D, padahal Rachma ge gak apal... kalo di kalender hijriah, Rachma milad tanggal sabaraha nya... :-/ ...]

Waktu kemarin ke Zwolle, masya Allah.... eta kareta apina pinuh pisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. Heran. Padahal basa sebelumna ka Zwolle hari senin, gak penuh-penuh amat. Kemarin mah... beuh,,, banyak yang berdiri malahan. Terus, tiketnya gak diperiksa lagi :)). Kalo gak ada tanggal 28-02-2008, masih bisa dipake lagi tuh retourn ticketnya. Terus nyadar, harga tiketnya naik. Bulan kemarin harganya 16,1 euro ... kemarin harganya 16,4 euro [udah didiskon 40% dari harga, pleus reduksi karena ngambil daag retour]. Beda 30 sen juga ngaruh :P, kalo 30 sennya ada sepuluh kan jadi 3 euro, bisa beli daging ayam sekilo lebih [heuheuheu, itungan pisan ... ]
Mikir... itu karena emang harga tiket kereta yang naik, atau karena yang pertama mah Rachma beli di kasir langsung, bukan di mesin tiket :-/... Anybody knows?

Perjalanan ke IND, seperti biasa, kalo ketemu orang administrasi, pasang senyum selalu :D. Kan orang Belanda mah, teu kenal oge, bilang hai hai wae :)), jadi harus dibalas dengan senyum paling ramah, hihihi...
Akhirnya, dapetlah verblijf, liat masa berlakuna... alhamdulillah... langsung 4 tahun :D. Soalnya cenah, yang lain mah biasana berlakuna setahun setahun, jadi di akhir tahun mesti perpanjang verblijf. Dan tentu saja, jadi jalan-jalan ke Prague bulan depan, hehehe.

Next thing to do adalah daftar sofi number. Tapi, kelihatannya, Rachma dah punya sofinumber, soalnya ada yang ngirim surat ke rumah, nyuruh ngisi data. Tapi pas ditanya ke sekretaris polimer, katanya surat itu aneh, jadi sama dia mu dibalikin lagi aja ke pengirimnya, pleus dikasi surat pengantar kenapa dibalikkin lagi. Well, karena Rachma juga gak terlalu ngeh isi suratnya buat apa... [tadinya mu pake babelfish, tapi maaak... aya 8 halaman meureun... :)), malesh ngetiknyah]. Sekretarisnya dah bilang, kalo Rachma mau ngambil kursus Dutch, tinggal bilang aja, ntar universitas yang bayarin feenya [siaaap!! ^^]

Sebenernya ya, niat ke Zwolle kemarin tuh mu sekalian belanja produk wilton, yang cenah adanya di centrum Zwolle. Tapi, berhubung... kamari teh... ujug-ujug jadi gak mood, mungkin karena sendirian, males keliling-keliling di kota orang. Jadi aja, diurungkan niatnya. Pengennya nyari-nyari yang deket aja dulu, sapatau ada yang mirip-mirip :).

Seminggu di lab... bisa dibilang ... gak produktif :)), gomen ne supervisorkuwh yang baik hati. Alasan: nunggu magnetic stirrer... soalnya yang di lab gak ada termokopelnya. Hidup sebagai seorang chemist, membiasakan diri hidup mewah =)). Heuheu, kerjaan teh order ma order ajah. Kemarin liat-liat harga stirrer, paling murah sekitar 570 euro, kalo pengen yang bagus ya 1600 euro lah [udah seharga cincin berlian itu... :))]. Terus kalo diliat lebih jauh, tuh termokopel sepanjang 30 cm, itu terbuat dari platina murni, alias Pt 1000. Walah, pantesan termokopel di lab pada gak ada semuah, heuheuheu....

Belum lagi menginjak ke glassware, buka-buka katalog, hualah... jadi glassware yang ini tuh harganya 200 euro, yang ini... ih, nu kitu ge 1000 euro.... Alat ini... maaak, 2500 euro....
Hah, pokoknya lamun liat harga wae mah, moal jadi-jadi balanjana. Jadi kalo mu pesen sesuatu, yang selalu diingat adalah: "if you need something, you can buy. The money is in your project already, you don't need to buy it yourself. Don't let it limit your work. Work harder, spend [the money] more. That's the money for".

Dengan modal itu... ya, tinggal klik..klik, ngetik quantity, ngetik deskripsi, pleus harga [gak peduli mu berapa digit juga :))..], hehehe, then send order. Tapi tetep aja, Rachma gunakan prinsip ekonomi :D, nyari yang lebih murah dengan spec yang sama. Kalo kata temen mah, Dutch way: the cheaper the better. Tambahan lagi, sekarang ceritanya Rachma penanggung jawab lab, heuheu, jadi harus berlaku seperti layaknya penanggung jawab :).

Mudah-mudahan minggu depan dah dateng pesanannya, pengen kerjaaaaaaa, depan komputer wae mah bosen :(.

Kangen suasana homy

Wednesday, 27 February 2008

Keluarga

Suara Perempuan

Akhir-akhir ini, topik pembicaraan berputar-putar di masalah keluarga, walopun topik yang selalu hangat adalah topik nikah [da emang nyambung atuh :D]

Caution: da Rachma mah kan emang nulisnya ge curhat wae nya. Jadi bagi yang merasa keberatan, Rachma dah ngasi warning, jangan dibaca kalo gak mau liat curhat-curhat. Jangan protes juga ya, bosen.

Yang Rachma pahami tentang keluarga... nggg... Rachma bersyukur tinggal di keluarga yang suasananya selalu aman, damai, tentram. Tambahan lagi Rachma mah tinggalnya di kampung, lingkungannya sepi, hijau, pleus udara seger. So, mostly... I used to live in peace. Berkembang dalam lingkungan yang ideal, bisa dibilang seperti itu [pede we lah, heuheu].

Waktu kecil, Rachma tinggal bareng Nenek. Rachma manggil beliau mMih. Sebagai cucu pertama, Rachma dapet semua perhatian, mulai dari kasih sayang, dan hal-hal lainnya macem materi [dapet koleksi perhiasan, uang, dsb]. Simply, I used to get love. What I know about the world: it's really wonderful. Thus, you will find me always cheerful.

Walopun pas kecil seringnya ma mMih dan bibi+paman Rachma,,, secara umum, Rachma gak ngerasa kurang kasih sayang dari orang tua. I mean... sometimes, people think that love should be given directly from biological parents. Personally, I object that. Waktu kecil, banyak banget orang yang berlaku sebagai '' Mama" Rachma. Yang kadang kalo lagi ngumpul keluarga, Rachma kadang bingung... Rachma gak inget kalo yang ini tuh pernah ngurus Rachma pas lagi kecil, yang itu juga, kalo yang ini... nggg.... how can I remember all of them...? :D.

Rachma seneng banget nyanyi-nyanyi, dengan makanan favorit: cocorico dan gula merah. Rumor mengatakan Rachma hobi makan nasi, dengan gula merah sebagai lauk pauk. Omigod, aneh sekali... 8-|. Sejak kecil sama Papa dah mulai diajarin baca [dunno, but I remember those kind of things]. Jadi pas umur lima tahun, dah masuk SD. Itupun jarang masuk sekolah, ikutnya pas ujian ajah, heheheh, kok bisa ya? :P. Guru dan kepala sekolahnya baik sekaliiii, jadi Rachma merasa sekolah itu seperti rumah, benar-benar rumah. Efeknya, Rachma suka bersekolah, Rachma suka baca buku, suka kalo liat gurunya seneng, Rachma suka nyanyi depan orang lain kalo itu menghibur, Rachma suka liat orang tersenyum... semua we disukain, heuheuheu. I feel energized by that way. Sejak kecil ikut pengajian, ada jadwal pagi, sore, dan malam, belum lagi sekolah agama yang jadwalnya mingguan, dan sekolah kaligrafi yang juga jadwalnya mingguan. Maaak, sibuk sekali nampaknya Rachma ini... hihihi

Tapi, seperti layaknya anak kecil, yang kadar efinefrinnya sangat tinggi, ya gak ngerasa capek, yang ada tuh seneng-seneng aja :D. Kalau ada waktu luang lainnya, Rachma seneng main-main ke sawah, main layangan, main kartu, main loncat tinggi, main kelereng, sampe bercocok tanam bunga merusak halaman, heuheuheu. Semua permainan kayanya Rachma suka, soalnya... menarik aja sih, menantang :D. Permainan cowok tidak lantas membuat Rachma jadi masculine :P, Rachma seneng menata rambut, seneng baju-baju baru, seneng ngeliat perhiasan-perhiasan berkilau. Haha, seneng belanja :P.

Dan satu hal yang perlu digaris bawahi, Mama dan Papa Rachma jarang campur tangan dalam proses pendidikan Rachma. Dalam artian, Rachma gak ngerasa ampe diajarin ngaji sama ortu, atau diajarin pendidikan apa gitu. Yang Rachma dapet adalah... mereka memfasilitasi proses pembelajaran Rachma. Mereka gak maksa Rachma untuk ini itu, yang mereka lakukan adalah bertanya, dan mengingatkan. Misal, kalo pas hari minggu, Rachma terlihat nonton TV seharian... [dan Rachma bisa loh, nonton TV bener-bener seharian, :D, kuat pokoknya], Papa Rachma nanya: Kok hari ini Papa belum liat kamu baca buku ya....
Ngedenger itu, pasti Rachma manja-manja dulu nyari pembelaan, hihihihi, baru akhirnya mantengin buku. Dan dulu itu, Rachma suka nangis kalo gak ngerti apa yang dibaca, heuheuheu.... dasar anak kecil.

Ngomong-ngomong tentang Papa, beliau itu orangnya pendiem, jadi boleh dibilang... Rachma jarang komunikasi ma Papa. Beliau juga biasanya pulang sore, sekitar jam 5 jam 6 an gitu. Tapi tidak lantas Rachma merasa kurang kasih sayang hanya karena jarang komunikasi ato gimana gitu. Kadang heran dengan teori-teori anak yang menyebutkan... ortu jangan terlalu sibuk, soalnya begini begitu...
Kayanya, asal berimbang aja kegiatan anaknya, gak masalah. Ortu Rachma sibuk, tapi gak ngerasa kurang kasih sayang tuh. Nya biasa-biasa we.... masa ortu teh mau ngurus anaknya terus tiap menit, kan punya kerjaan lain juga. Kalau bahasa kerennya 'kan punya amanah untuk masyarakat' juga... ciyeee, heuheuheu :D.

Kurang lebih pas SMP, materi pengajian udah mulai beragam, udah mulai ngaji kitab, baik sarah [aka kitab kuning] maupun matannya. Ada beberapa yang berpendapat, pendidikan seperti itu mungkin terlalu dini... dipaksakan lah, karbitan lah... Heuuu, da dulu mah ngerasanya, itu ilmu buat hidup, biar hidupnya bener, jadi ya... asik-asik aja. Bukan masalah berat atau gaknya, tapi lebih ke happy gak suasana belajarnya ... ;).

Rachma mulai melihat realita dunia ketika masuk ITB. Hhhh, malas sayah ngebahasnyah, jadi diskip we nya, da inti postingannya mu ngebahas keluarga :D.

Jadi, dari kitab uqudulijain yang pernah Rachma pelajari pas SMP [FYI, itu kitab isinya tentang kehidupan suami istri]. Coba ya, SMP dah belajar kaya gitu. Heuheuheu, da Rachma mah di kampung atuh, jadi umuran segitu teh udah dipersiapkan untuk membina rumah tangga... hihi :P.
Nah, yang Rachma tangkap dari pembahasan kitab itu, yang krusial adalah: tugas istri itu melayani suami. Melayani dalam artian kebutuhan biologis dan psikologis. Jadi simpelnya, tugas istri adalah menyenangkan suami, pastikan diri cantik dan wangi selalu :D. Jadi, harap diperhatikan baik-baik... tugas memasak dan membereskan rumah... itu bukan tugas istri...
Mau protes? Mangga, diaos heula kitabna....

Namun, tentu saja... menyenangkan hati suami itu bisa diperluas menjadi: membantu pekerjaan suami, termasuk memasak, membereskan rumah, dan memperhatikan pendidikan anak. Dengan catatan: istrinya ikhlas melakukan itu semua. Jadi, para ikhwan, kalau seandainya ada yang salah dengan keluarga, yang akan diminta pertanggungjawaban oleh Allah itu yang pertama kali adalah dirimu. Gak bisa dirimu teh mengelak, dengan menyalahkan sang istri tidak pandai mengurus rumah tangga. Tugas sapa coba ya itu :P.

Berbekalkan pengetahuan yang dulu-dulu ketika masih kanak-kanak Rachma dapet, ada banyak benturan ketika dunia nyata tak seindah masa kanak-kanakku. Jadi, sudah saatnya dewasa ya Neng Rachma....
Mulai dari prinsip-prinsip salah satu pergerakan di kampus tercintah... :D, Rachma sering banget protes disitu. Dilanjut dengan proses jaim-jaiman yang menjamur... geeze, I really hate that. Sampai akhirnya, memutuskan, ... sebetulnya Rachma kurang suka menentang... I prefer to please somebody, but everything has limit... mungkin, Rachma memang bukan yang termasuk sami'na wa atho'na dalam lingkup gerak organisasi itu ;).

Yang lain yang Rachma soroti adalah maraknya tipe-tipe ikhwan yang seragam dalam hal pemikiran, termasuk pandangan tentang idealnya calon istri. Warning again: it's my personal thoughts, it's my blog :P
Awalnya, pengharapan yang terbersit adalah... pengen calon suami yang sholeh, titik. Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, banyaknya orang yang dijumpai, banyaknya kisah yang dijalani, akhirnya....banyak harapan-harapan idealis yang terkikis. Namanya juga hidup... :P. Tapi masih percaya... there is one in a million who....
ehehehe :D

Jadi, ini yang mau Rachma bahas:
*diambil sebagian dari hasil diskusi dengan seorang teman nun jauh di sana, gendernya ikhwan*

-image katanya cewek ITB itu susah diatur-

Tolong ya, emang mau punya istri yang iya-iya ajah? [mungkin sebagian cowok maunya gitu... beuh, males banget, gak ada pembelajaran buat suaminya doong]. Cowok itu kalo istrinya iya-iya ajah, suka seenak-enaknya. Coba, masa calon imam kaya gitu... ck ck ck ck....
Pada dasarnya, Rachma suka menjadi seseorang yang penurut, apalagi kalau buat suami. Apa sih yang nggak buat suami tercintah, hueheheheh :P [ini gombal ya? ih padahal Rachma seriusan da :D]. Tapi, tolong ya itu dilihat kembali... dalam hidup itu, proses kaderisasi individu pasti tetap jalan, termasuk setelah memasuki jenjang keluarga. Fakta bahwa suami adalah pemimpin, tidak lantas membuat dia selalu benar. Karena itu, Rachma lebih senang berdiplomasi dulu, gak suka langsung bilang iya-iya ajah [ih, males banget coba, langsung iya-iya aja]. Jadi kalau teknik diplomasi suaminya lebih ok, Rachma nurut kok, heheheh. Lagian, kadang... ada saat-saat di mana... pengen aja menang bicara, walopun tau lawan bicaranya lebih bener [dalam hal ini suami misalnya], ya... seneng aja kalo dibolehin menang, hehehe :D.
Dan ketika cewek udah mulai bercerewet-cerewet ria, cara ampuh mengatasinya adalah diem, dan bilang iya-iya aja, ntar ceweknya nyadar sendiri, hehe.

*melihat kenyataan ini, kayanya yang jadi suami Rachma mesti orang yang ekstra sabar, adakah? :D*

Tapi tentu saja, harus tetap diingat, kewajiban istri yang sebejibun itu... harus dilakukan dengan baik. Harus full spirit ini mah ;). Mengingat hadiahnya adalah ridho Allah, worth banget lah :D.

-emang mau gitu kalo diminta tinggal di rumah aja?-
Pada dasarnya, Rachma mau-mau aja jadi ibu rumah tangga... "aja". I mean... ya, kalo sudah jadi istri itu, harus taat suami. Masa coba, Rachma mau beraktivitas tapi suaminya gak ridho, terus ntar teh dilaknat ama malaikat, dibenci sama Allah... huwaaaa, gak mau ah kaya gitu mah. Hidup di dunia itu kan nyari ridho Allah, salah satunya dengan mencari keridhoan suami. Kalo di dunia hidup seenak-enaknya tapi ternyata Allah gak ridho mah... ya same aje bohong atuh...
inget juga suatu keterangan, kurang lebih isinya kaya gini, CMIIW: "manusia gak harus sujud sama sesama manusia, tapi jika diharuskan, maka diperintahkan istri sujud pada suaminya, untuk memuliakan suaminya".

Kadang, ngeri juga kalo inget ini. Once I decide to get married, that's the start that I belong to my husband. Hiiii, ngeri kan ya? tapi kalo untuk ibadah mah, gpp deh, heuheuheu. Moreover, I like to please someone, to see him happy always.

Tapiiii... [ada tapinya :P], mengingat Rachma mudah bosen, terus kalo dah bosen suka bete, kalo dah bete suka gak mood dan suntuk, kalo dah suntuk suka marah-marah gak jelas, jadi kalo suami Rachma minta Rachma untuk di rumah aja, maka yang pertama Rachma lakukan adalah.... merayu suami biar ngizinin Rachma punya kegiatan selain jadi ibu rumah tangga :D. Jadi, kayanya Rachma mesti belajar teknik merayu, hueheheh. Ada bukunya gak ya? anybody knows? :D, hihihi semangat buat belajar, abis kayanya menantang tuh :D.

Lagian ya, masa suami tega sih membiarkan Rachma bosen sendirian di rumah? ck ck ck... teganya.... T_T
Kan pengennya, selain berbakti pada suami dan keluarga, pengen juga berbakti pada nusa bangsa, negara, dan agama... [haha, PPKN banget :D]. Tapi betul kan? Indonesia tuh perlu berubah lebih maju, dan Rachma pengen berkontribusi di situ. Masa gara-gara sang suami posesif gak jelas, gak ngizinin istri beraktivitas... ck ck ck... egois sekali ini suaminya, perlu di-OS dulu... :P
Jadi ya, Rachma itu pastiiiiiiiiiiii aja bisa nyari celah untuk ngebantah pendapat orang, heuheuheu, harus banyak beristighfar.

*Melihat gelagat kaya gini, suka mikir, kasian ya yang bakal jadi suami Rachma, heuheuheu. Makanya berdoá sama Allah: Ya Allah, mudah-mudahan jodoh Rachma orang yang ekstra sabar.... Jadi kalo Rachma nikah sama dia, Rachma dapet pahala bersyukur, dia dapet pahala bersabar, terus kita bareng-bareng bekerja sama mencapai ridha Allah, ganbarimashou... ^^. Lho kok? :D*

-pendidikan anak-
Beredar suatu pendapat, ibu itu adalah madrasah pertama buat anak. Ya, lagi-lagi calon ibu dituntut jadi superwoman, yang dah bisa ini bisa itu. Heran, harusnya kan ikhwannya yang serba bisa, ya toh? dia calon pemimpin kan? bukan pajangan doang berlabel suami :P. Tapi demikianlah dunia berbicara...
Syarat-syarat begini jadi rumit untuk kalangan akademis, I mean...coba ya, kalo dikampung mah, cowok suka ma cewek, pacaran [bukan pacaran anak kota :P], terus ngelamar ke ortunya, terus nikah deh. Gak pake acara cewenya mesti bisa ini itu, dan sejenisnya...

Tapi, akan menyenangkan kalo emang bisa ngasi pendidikan langsung ke anak. Kalau ortu Rachma dulu lebih bersifat memfasilitasi, maka Rachma pengen berkecimpung langsung. Jadi, Rachma sudah mempersiapkan kurikulum buat mendidik anak, hehehehe. Kalo orang lain mah bilangnya Rachma lucu, kaya anak kecil... itu sebetulnya bukan kaya anak kecil, tapi berjiwa muda, heuheuehu, jadi kan lebih kebayang gitu buat menyelami dunia anak :D, hehehe, naon deuihhh...

Karena Rachma suka belajar seni, sains, teknologi, dan agama [sagala we disenengin... :D, abis suka sih belajar hal-hal baru, seneng aja, jadi aja kerjaan ^^], jadinya... ya kurang lebih pengen anak-anak juga mendapat pengetahuan itu semua. Bukan masalah karbit mengarbit ini mah, tapi Rachma pengen anak-anak dari mulai dini udah dihiasi dengan ilmu, pleus mastiin... mereka belajar itu semua dalam suasana heppiiiiii ;).

Demi mengkongkritkan itu semua, ya sudah sejak lama mendalami hal-hal yang berhubungan dengan itu. Rachma suka mempelajari psikologi, walo kadang teu nyambung, gak tau buat apa :D. Rachma seneng banget mengenali teknologi, paling gak suka kalo ada cowok meremehkan cewek hanya karena gaptek meng-gaptek, beuh... gak sopan cowok kaya gitu teh. Masalah seni, dulu belajar nari, belajar organ, suling, seneng nyanyi, seneng nulis diary [kalo sekarang mah online diarynya :D], dan seneng bikin puisi, prosa, dan cerita fiksi. Yah, pokoknya pengen aja menghiasi anak dari seni juga, biar berkembang otak kanannya :D.

Yang sedang difokusin sekarang adalah... murojaáh hafalan, hehehe, pada lupa ~_~. Sebenernya mah ya, kalo mau membiasakan anak ngafal Al-Qurán, ortunya gak wajib hafal 30 juz kan? hehehe, merasa diri ngapal juzáma aja susahnyaaaa, banyak godaan, ngafalin hadist ganjil aja godaannya banyak ... :D. Hmm... tapi, insya Allah Rachma dah punya ilmu qiroát, pengen mengajarkan itu juga sama anak. Termasuk melantunkan adzan, heuheuheu, ari dulu Rachma kepikirannya apa yak, ampe belajar melantunkan adzan :-/... Tapi ya, buat anak laki-laki mah cocok meureun.
Tapi ya, yang kepikiran itu... pengen meluangkan waktu ngaji bareng sekeluarga, jadi bikin jadwal rutin gitu, kayanya asik ya. Apalagi kalo ngaji berdua bareng suami, romantis kayanya, hihihih [anak dikemanain, Neng :P].

Kan ada keterangan, isinya kaya gini, CMIIW: "janganlah orang meninggal jika tidak ditinggalkan generasi penerusnya dalam keadaan baik". Ambigu gak ya? heuheu, maaf, lupa redaksi tepatnya. Intinya sih, kalo mu meninggal, pastiin dulu anak-anaknya dalam keadaan baik [akhlaknya]. Mendidik anak memang penting, tapi tolong jangan dibebankan hanya pada ibu... Wanita itu kan manusia juga atuh, meni dituntut ini itu, kasian banget. Jadi kalo liat istrinya sibuk, dimohon sang suami tau diri dan mau membantu istrinya. Kan romantis tuh, kalo masak bareng... kerja bakti menata rumah barengan... ya kan... ya kan? :D. Please, be a gentleman, husband...
[Kalau cowoknya gak sopan, pasti komennya, "itu kan tugas istri"... Duh, capek deeeeh.....]


-Rachma, udah siap nikah?-
Hmm....
dunno. Heuheuheu. Dan kembali Rachma menanyakan, 'ikhwan itu bisa gak nikah sama akhwat yang gak suka sama dia?'.
Misal alasannya: Rachma bersedia nikah sama situ, tapi bukan karena Rachma suka sama situ, lebih ke... kayanya dah masa-masanya mengakhiri masa lajang, terus... nikah adalah visa tambahan buat pulang ke Indo, hueheheh, terus nikah itu kan ngegenapin dien...orang yang dah nikah mah untuk amalan yang sama ma yang masih lajang, dapet pahala 70 kali lipat. Terus, kalo suami istri pegangan tangan aja, apalagi pake cinta, dosa-dosanya berguguran, terus melayani suami itu setara dengan sholat malem full time. Nikah beneran lahan beramal. Karena amal adalah yang akan Rachma bawa menuju akhirat, jadi boleh deh nikah, ngapain juga ditunda-tunda, heuheuheu. But, as a man, will you be insulted? even when I say, that I will for sure do my best to learn how to love you?

Orang yang ngobrol sama Rachma, bilangnya kalo ikhwannya sholeh mungkin nggak tersinggung, tapi kalo dia kayanya iya. Hmm...
Setelah melalui kisah yang tidak terlalu mengenakan di hati. Rachma jadi apriori terhadap romantisme cinta. Lebih susah buat percaya sama cowok, ngg... gak tau deh... pokoknya susah aja. Well, let's see how my life story will go.

It's more like, I prefer to marry someone who loves me, though I don't love him... yet :).
Kalimat yang sering Rachma lantunkan pas berdoá: siapapun orang yang akan jadi suami Rachma, Rachma pengen bisa mencintai dia setulus hati. Tapi pengen juga, sebelum memutuskan menikah, ada kecenderungan hati Rachma sama orang itu :D, biar gak susah-susah banget gitu untuk menumbuhkan cinta di hati, hihihi :P. [diniatkeun pokoknyah]

-poligami-
My heart is not strong enough to tolerate this case.

-long distance marriage-
Hayah, sigana lamun long distance marriage, yang ada tuh... Rachma kangen tiap hari, dan pengen pintu ajaib dengan amat sangat. Tapi kalo terjadi...Hmm, harus segera dicari solusinya. Minimal ketemu dua kali setahun? bener-bener melepas kangen eta mah... :D

Tapi ya, Rachma sering mikirin, gimana caranya, walopun tinggal serumah, tapi tetep kangen tiap hari, gak bosen gitu...
Mengingat, Rachma orangnya mudah bosen, jadi takutnya.... ntar bosen gak yah liat suami tiap hari? hihihi :D, kalo cinta mah nggak kali yak... 8-|

Ngomong-ngomong tentang cinta, beberapa hari ini Rachma terkena butterfly effect. Jadi ngeri sendiri. Dan temen Rachma, A***, berkomentar:
"Rachma, ini bukan saatnya bertaáruf lama-lama. Harus jelas, kalo mau nikah ya nikah, kalo gak ya nggak. Jangan mau diminta nunggu, cowok tuh kalo ngerasa udah ada di posisi aman, suka seenak-enaknya [betuuuuuuuuuuuul, setuju lah]. Yang dirugikan kan ceweknya, umur terus bertambah [iya tau, Rachma semakin tua, heuheu :P]... jangan mau ngurusin yang gak jelas. Kadang cowok itu perlu digebrak, biar tau diri [hayah, galak pisan dia teh, tapi betuuuul, Rachma setuju]. Perlu juga sekali-kali ditest, dia tuh beneran gak, seriusan gak. Seleksi alam bakal nunjukkin siapa jodohmu [siap Bu...]. Kalau dia emang butuh, beneran berniat baik, dia bakal mikirin ke yang lebih serius, nikah. Tapi kalo dianya didiemin aja, dia bakal nyantai-nyantai gak jelas. Lagian, kalo emang jodoh ... ya gak akan ke mana. Jadi kamu harus membatasi komunikasi [hmmm... ya, agak susah, tapi setuju]. Lagian, Rachma juga gak mau kan, kalo calon Rachma berbagi cerita ini itu, deket dengan cewek lain? [NGGAAAAAK... mikirinnya aja udah bikin mules perut... :( ]. Jadi Rachma juga mesti berhenti komunikasi sama dia [duh, tambah mules...]. Saya tau itu berat, pasti nangis-nangis [udah nangis dari tadiiiii .... T_T], tapi Rachma harus kuat, Allah bakal nunjukkin jalannya. [Amiin..].


Yang tadinya biasa-biasa, jadi kaya yang mau jauhan gimanaaaa gitu, heuheuheu. Yang tadinya cuek-cuek aja, jadi mikir... kok, ada perasaan berat ya buat melakukan itu [bahkan ketika Rachma bilang ke orangnya, gak pake hati, yang kepikiran adalah A*** jahaaaaat T_T. Padahal temen Rachma itu bermaksud baik, demi menjaga hatikuwh, heuheuheu ]

Jadi, demi kebaikan bersama...mengingat akhir-akhir ini pikiran Rachma rada eror, susaaaah banget buat berpikir jernih. Terus, jadinya sering ngerasa bersalah juga sama orang itu. Kenyataan bahwa... ya, Rachma juga pengen ngejaga hati Rachma, jadi kalo pas waktunya ketemu jodoh, hati Rachma tidak bervirus [yang gak diridhoi Allah]. Semua perlu pengorbanan... ya... ya, pengorbanan. Tapi nahanya asa beurat pisaaaan 8-|... jadi selama ini tuh Rachma... ?
*kok bisa?*
Ah .........pusing ah, lieur....

Tuesday, 26 February 2008

A woman in sin

I don't want the same sad story happens
I don't want you to get hurt either
If you ask me what I really want now
I want you to be nearby
dunno why, I just want you to be nearby

I might have hurt you,
but still I want you to be nearby
It is a sin, isn't it?
so I have to let you free as always
Couldn't believe I could say that easily
With no tears dropped by
It was too empty to feel sad
as in the morning,
It was too early to think clearly

Right now, I don't know what to do
I really don't know


*geeze, pas baca judulnya, siga nu punya dosa apaaaa gitu, heuheuheu*

Sunday, 24 February 2008

Kupu-kupu dan AAC

Pas jum'at malem rapat online sama T**** via ym, diteruskan dengan voip-an di sykpe... akhirnya kita dah dapet, or minimal dah kebayang apa yang bakal jadi proker kesekretariatan Salamaa. Yang namanya rapat tak resmi, ya tentu saja banyak ngobrolnya [yang resmi pun banyak ngobrol mrgreen, da kalo gak ngobrol mah gimana mu rapat atuh :P]... Di sela-sela ngobrol, akhirnya diketahuilah bahwa softcopy film AAC sudah beredar.... pleus de facto bahwa pendapat kita terhadap novelnya mirip. Novelnya agak-agak gimanaaa gitu, hehehe.

Sebetulnya Rachma dikasi tau temen, kalo sejak Januari, di kampus dah ada yang punya filenya. Pas liat-liat lebih lanjut, weeh filenya 1.2 GB. Curiga Rachma gak dibolehin ngakses ftpnya razz. Jadilah milih sabar aja, sapatau ntar ada yang ngupload di rapidshare, dan ternyata ada mrgreen.

[maaf ya Pak sutradara dan semua kru yang terlibat, Rachma nyadar ini bajakan, tapi penasaran.... gomen nasai... neutral]

Berhubung Rachma gak punya akun rapidshare, jadi mesti bersabar nunggu 103 menit tiap selang satu file. Akhirnya diisilah dengan kegiatan di dapur yang masaknya ngambil waktu banyak razz. Kepikiran buat bikin ayam kodok, tapi mengingat proses bikinnya bisa ampe 4 jam [kelamaan ituuuu :suspicious:...], pleus di kulkas ternyata gak ada daging cincang, dan hari itu gak mood belanja [lengkap pisan lah alasannya, intinya mah males ke mana-mana, heuheu]. Akhirnya bikin ayam madu aja. Dan tentu saja, karena emang Rachma gak punya pisau tajem [mahal pisan coba pisau tajem teh, bisa 10 euro satu biji, males pisan belinya... rolleyes], jadilah tuh ayam dimasukkin microwave aja, baru deh dipotong-potong mrgreen. Setelah selse masak, yang ternyata kurang dari satu jam dah mateng... kembali mantengin laptop. Rate downloadnya cukup gede, bahkan nyampe 24 mbps. Jadi file-file itu didownload dalam waktu kurang lebih satu menit. Haha, tapi nunggu 103 menitnya itu yang bikin kesel... [udah gratis, pengen gak pake nunggu lagi. Leecher pisaaaan... twisted]. Ampe diselingin nonton Hana Kimi dulu biar waktunya gak kerasa. File 1.2 GB yang dipecah jadi 12 file itu akhirnya selse didownload.

File-filenya digabungin lagi pake HJSplit. Awal-awal nonton... hmm... hmm... hmm....
Ntah kenapa, Rachma nonton filmnya diskip, mungkin karena pengen ngebandingin aja ma novelnya. Efek liat film itu... jadi inget masa-masa kuliah, kangen temen-temen, kangen Bandung... kangeeeen ~_~ .

[pengen pintu ajaib neutral].

Atmosfer week end jadi aneh. Memang, salah satu hal yang berbahaya adalah waktu luang, hehe, karena tiba-tiba aja terkena virus groningen kala week end, kronis :sweaty:.

Ngobrol sama temen Rachma, S****, yang diobrolin ya... update-an seri terbaru, heuheuheu. Ngobrol kaditu kadieu.... dan tentu saja ngasi tau AAC udah beredar, heheh, maaf Pak sutradara...
Tidak lupa curhat apa yang Rachma rasain setelah nonton filmnya, biar jadi alert, heheh. Di sela-sela ngobrol, tersebutlah satu nama. Hayah, ini ghibah bukan ya... Yang jelas, Rachma mesti ngambil wudhu terus sholat biar pikiran lebih tenang. Lagian, Rachma juga gak ngerti, kenapa kemarin labil banget :tsk:.

Dan pada saat yang tidak tepat, ada bunyi kring-kring. Denger ringtone itu, nggg.... Rachma nebak itu siapa, dan sedikit tidak nyaman, ujug-ujug kena butterfly effect, heuheu. Rachma biarkan ringtone itu bunyi sampe akhirnya mati sendiri, padahal gak diliat juga yang nelponnya siapa [gomen neutral]. kembali anteng ngobrol sama temen Rachma, dan tiba-tiba terdengar ringtone yang sama. Angkat... jangan... angkat...jangan....
hmmm, akhirnya Rachma klik accept, dan obrolan pun berlanjut kaditu kadieu.

Pas lagi ngobrol, Rachma mesti banyak-banyak istighfar, malu sama Allah, ngerasa bersalah sama yang di sebrang sana, malu juga sama malaikat. Lho? heheheh, ya gitu deh mrgreen. Berusaha keras untuk senetral mungkin, objektif, dan gak terbawa suasana [cool, calm, confidence, hehehe... naon deuih :P]. Walo dalam hati dah gak nyaman banget, pengen teriak, kenapa kupu-kupunya banyak sekaleeee 8-|.

Tidak lupa menanyakan hal penting titipan temenkuwh. Obrolan berhenti karena yang di sebrang sana harus menerima telpon yang lebih penting. Dan klik, akhirnya line telepon terputus.

Akhirnya... selse juga percakapannya :tsk:.

Merenung sejenak, hmm... maafin Rachma, ya Allah.
Kerasa ada air mata yang keluar. Duh, cengeng sekali Rachma ini....

Untuk ngilangin kelabilan emosi, akhirnya Rachma tidur sore. Bangun pas maghrib, dah baikan, terus sholat... terus... berdo'anya yang lama, heheheh. Sigana nya, itu lebih tepat disebut curhat dibanding do'a mrgreen. Duh Allah, da ka mana deui atuh Rachma kedah curhat teh pami sanes ka Allah. Pusiiing cry. Abis, mau curhat sama manusia, ribet, kadang suka bingung ngutarainnya, takut ngebebanin juga. Curhat di blog, aya nu protes wae [padahal ini kan blog Rachmaaaaa... terserah Rachma dunk mau nulis apa. Kumaha sih evil]

Kegiatan berlanjut dengan kembali menyibukan diri dengan komputer [yee, computer is like a best friend mrgreen]. Tentu saja sang ngantuk gak datang-datang... akhirnya mantengin Hana Kimi aja, hehehe. Di tengah-tengah nonton, ujug-ujug dateng lagi tuh kupu-kupu. Tiba-tiba merasa sangat bersalah. Pleus air mata yang keluar dengan sendirinya. Dalam hati, berulang kali Rachma minta maaf sama seseorang, gak tau juga kenapa Rachma mesti minta maaf ke orang itu, heuheuheu. Sometimes you do something out of control mrgreen.

Baru tidur jam 3 pagi... Pas tadi bangun, alhamdulillah kembali seperti sedia kala. Sampai sekarang masih penasaran, ari Rachma teh kunaon nya? *bingung sendiri*

Ah, yang penting mah dunia kembali berwarna mrgreen. Kun fayakun, segalanya di tangan Allah. Kalau Allah sudah berkehendak, ya pasti kejadian.

Ya Allah, jadikanlah Rachma bagian dari orang-orang yang sabar dan ikhlas menjalani semua episode hidup yang Engkau anugerahkan. Amin.


Ganbarimashou... cool

Friday, 22 February 2008

Wonderful gift

~Right after a busy day, in a foggy evening, announce with pride... today is wonderful~


Y: One day you'll meet him.
X: Who?
Y: Someone to whom you are belong to.
X: You mean God?
Y: Nope. A man.
X: Do I know him?
Y: I don't know...
X: :ha?:Ah, you mean my soul mate?
Y: It's more like... he is the owner of the soul, and you are the missing piece he is looking for.
X: That means I don't have a choice to choose who the owner is rolleyes
Y: Exactly
X: But that's quite random... Don't you think so?
Y: Not if you keep your heart healthy. It will be hard if some viruses are already in your heart.
X: :sigh: That's quite hard. I don't even know if my heart is healthy. It seems still needing the cure anyway.
Y: Then your waiting time is the best curing.
X: Do you think so?
Y: You know you don't have any choice. You are not curious about the person?
X: Me? very. But it's nice to have a surprise.
Y: It will be the best gift ever, a wonderful one. Trust me.
X: Why should I trust you anyway?
Y: Do you have any choice not to trust me?
X: :tsk: I don't.
Y: It's always best to prepare, honey.
X: Yeah, it's always be.

I never imagine that one day I have to share all my day with a significant other. It's always easy to say one thing theoretically, but for sure the reality will give a lot of surprise somehow. To think that one day somebody is coming out of nowhere, and I have to adapt with his world out of no reason, undoubtedly I feel scared some way. Simply because we are bound by marriage, then I have to share everything with him,,,, no more privacy, no more selfish things. Scary but interesting, isn't it?

To think that I might not even know him, I might not even love him,,, the fact that we are completely strangers makes me doubt, and silently ask "am I really the missing piece of your soul? what if I'm not? will you be disappointed? I know it's not nice to get disappointed, maybe I will ruin all beautiful images about your [future] wife, maybe I will only be a burden to your daily life. Maybe I will hurt you out of no blue. Before that scary things happen, can we stop it now?"

I realize, someone who decides to get married is a full spirit person. He gambles. He picks a woman, makes her his wife, but meanwhile he makes a very great promise, mitsaqon gholidho, with The Lord. If he fails to teach his wife, to take care of his family, than he has to take responsibility in front of The Great Allah. And I find it very scaryyyyyyyyyy :tsk:

The only thing I can think is "I want to be your best jewel ever". I don't care what the people are saying, I don't care what somebody else might be gossiping. I don't even know whether I love you or not. But I do care about you, about your happiness, your safety, here and there, now and then. Is that enough?

No. You probably hope that I can serve everything, like an angle doubled with guardian. Your high expectation has frighten me for sure. I start doubting you, more or less. I start to think, "Why should I give my only heart to you? why should I share my happy life with you? why should I give myself to you? why should I? what makes you deserve to have me? Are you really the one, the so-called wonderful gift? who are you?"


Out of no blue, I wrote those words. Today I talked to somebody new, and I realize... I have to be more careful in concluding something.

--All generalizations are dangerous, even this one-- [Alexandre Dumas]

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

Relationship

Kembali mendapat undangan untuk mengisi kuis, hehehe. Daripada bengong depan kompie, ya jadinya ngisi beberapa test Tickle. Yang Rachma cantumin di sini, test tentang relationship, alamatnya di sini [bisi ada yang mau nyoba juga mrgreen]. Mengingat reportnya panjang, jadi Rachma tampilkan dalam scrolling aja, kalau mau baca ya silakan, kalo gak ... ya gak usah. Up to you,,, as you please aja deh, hehehe.

Pas baca hasilnya, amazed,,, ni orang Tickle niat betul yak, atau tepatnya... para psikolog itu niat betul risetnya, heuheu. Pemaparannya cukup representatif, dan jadinya ketahuan kalo knowledge Rachma di bidang sex masih kurang, heheheh. Berikut hasil testnya:

Rachmawati, your Relationship IQ is:


130




Your Relationship IQ measures what you know about relationships compared to others. It is built off the foundation of the traditional IQ test, where 68% of people who take this test worldwide score between 85 and 115. The above chart shows where you fall on the Relationship IQ scale compared to others.

As we previously mentioned, your Relationship IQ score is determined by your general knowledge of how people should behave in relationships. But we also took a look at how you actually behave in your relationships. To get this information, we compared your responses to the Relationship IQ test questions against what experts say is the right way to have a healthy relationship.








Your Relationship IQ Profile

The first step to improving your Relationship IQ, so it can benefit you in your relationships, is to look at how your scored on four Relationship IQ dimensions: Acceptance, Communication, Conflict Resolution, and Intimacy and Sex.



Acceptance


Communication


Conflict
Resolution

Intimacy
and Sex
1 5 10



Acceptance



Acceptance

1 5 10


On this scale, a score of 10 represents what the experts say is the right way to accept your partner's differences. You scored a 9.

Some experts in the field of relationships at the University of Washington have spent their entire careers researching different aspects of what makes romantic relationships work. Combining their own examinations with data from an extensive inventory of couples' relationships, they have determined that the majority of couples in happy relationships feel that their partner respects their emotions, opinions, and ideas. These findings support the premise that for a healthy relationship to flourish, you must appreciate, and feel appreciated, by your partner — whether you know it or not. That is because appreciation comes in various forms, and those forms help build the basis of a good relationship. In short, the right way to have a relationship is to make sure you make your partner know how and why you value them, and to expect the same from them.

On the whole, it's easier to appreciate people for things you can see, things that are tangible, like someone making dinner for you or picking you up after work. Those are things you routinely acknowledge with a verbal "thank you" or even a non-verbal "thank you" such as a hug or a kiss.

What you really need to ask yourself on this dimension is if you truly accept your significant other's thoughts, values, and opinions. If you score lower than you'd like on the Acceptance scale, stop and ask yourself: Would you prefer it if everyone shared the same views as you? Or are you able to see validity in everyone's point of view, regardless of how different it is from your own? Do you just not care what others believe? People's opinions and values run the gamut from extremely conservative to extremely liberal and everything in between. Some prefer their significant other to have the same opinions and values, while others embrace the different opinions and values of their partner. The Acceptance dimension of your Relationship IQ looks at how you view differences in opinion that may come up between yourself and another person.

You welcome being exposed to diverse views and are able to accept and tolerate them — even if you disagree with them entirely. You may find yourself surrounded by people from many different walks of life, and you revel in the uniqueness of each individual. You appreciate that a person can hold values that are different from the ones you have and do not feel threatened by the differences. In your world, everybody has distinct qualities that allow them to shine like a star. You may not like diametrically opposed values but you will still accept a person who possesses them.

Since you find diversity appealing, you may be attracted to individuals who are very different from you. Different values or principles may strike your curiosity, and you may be interested in learning more about them and the individual who possesses them. Because you are open to people with different value systems than the one by which you live, you may find yourself in a relationship with someone whose principles are not the same as your own. Your ability to accept people unconditionally creates a comfortable atmosphere for your significant other to share thoughts, feelings, and ideas without the fear of your disapproval. This non-judgmental vibe permeates through every aspect of your relationship. Learning about another's different values can broaden your own view of the world and yourself rather than intimidate you. Your open-mindedness and your ability to make people feel at ease encourage your significant other to share their innermost thoughts with you. Keep giving your loved one positive feedback and respecting their views.


Communication





Communication

1 5 10


On this scale, a score of 10 represents what the experts say is the right way to communicate with your partner. You scored a 9.

The ability to communicate well affects every aspect of your life. In order to get something, you have to be able to make your need for it known. To connect with others, you have to open up your world to them. Communication is all about how clearly you express yourself and your needs. Your skill with communication is also indicated by how well you are able to hear what others have to say, whether through words or non-verbal communication like body language. As such, communication has been studied by psychologists from many different angles. The most current research indicates that in order to have a successful relationship, partners must feel as if they are able to express their differences (Wallerstein, 2002), as well as be a good listener (Schwartz, 2002). In short, the right way to have a relationship is to be open to talking about issues as well as be willing to listen to your partner.

The Communication skills dimension looks at your expectations around communication in general, how you relate to people in your life. The degree of comfort you feel in expressing your own needs and beliefs/thoughts/opinions directly impacts your ability to relate to others on an intimate level. But communication is not a one-way street. That is why the Communication dimension also looks at how you figure out what your significant other is saying to you through words or body language.

You have a relatively good understanding of your partner and what they want, but some things are just a mystery. There are just some times when you can't know what everyone is thinking, and they can have no sense of what you are thinking.

In your relationship, you are generally comfortable expressing yourself and are pretty adept at understanding your significant other. But you may sometimes be shocked when your loved one does not get something about you that you assumed they would. This can throw you, and possibly your relationship, for a loop, but it is something that you two are eventually able to see eye to eye on. That's because you tend to keep lines of communication open between you and your significant other. To open them up even further, try to catch yourself when you make assumptions about your partner. Rather than taking your assumption for granted, ask your significant other what their thoughts are on the matter. When you are having a conversation with your loved one, exercise your listening and comprehension skills by repeating what they've said in your own words. This ensures that you really get what they're saying. If you have a question about where your loved one stands on an issue, ask rather than assume.









Conflict Resolution



Conflict
Resolution
1 5 10

On this scale, a score of 10 represents what the experts say is the right way to resolve conflict with your partner. You scored an 8.

No matter how perfect the relationship, you're bound to run into conflict from time to time. So how do you handle it? Do you avoid the touchy subject? Or do you dive right into the fray and meet the challenge head on? Psychological research suggests that people who are able to bring up points of contention and come to a solution together have a relationship that is characterized by greater communication and intimacy (Canary & Cupach, 1988; Fitzpatrick & Sollie, 1999). In short, the right way to have a relationship is to address differences and points of difference.

The Conflict resolution dimension taps into how you deal with confrontation when it arises. This refers to what you think it means to have a disagreement with the significant person in your life and what you think is the best way to deal with it. In addition, the Conflict dimension assesses your understanding of resolving conflict.

You understand that conflict is normal for any relationship. And with that viewpoint, it's natural for you to be fairly adept at handling it. You have learned very well how to pick your battles. You will usually tackle an issue when it is personally important but you may let some things go in order to keep the peace. You may find that some issues cause you some level of distress, which might result in a poor night's sleep, or a lack of appetite when you decide not to voice what's troubling you.

In your relationships, you are relatively comfortable bringing up issues with your significant other, though you don't think it's critical to talk about everything that irks you. Similarly, you don't expect your partner to bring up every little thing that bothers them about you either. You simply feel there are some issues that do not need to be discussed. When your loved one does bring something up that you do not think is important, you might become frustrated, and that will likely hinder your ability to discuss it.

You are definitely on the right track with dealing with the important issues in your relationship. And sometimes it is good to shrug the unimportant stuff off. But you may hesitate to bring something problematic up, and this could prevent your relationship from progressing further. When you find yourself frequently thinking about an issue or losing your appetite or sleep over it, find an appropriate time to discuss it with your partner so the two of you can begin to come to a resolution.


Intimacy and Sex



Intimacy
and Sex
1 5 10


On this scale, a score of 10 represents what the experts say is the right way to express intimate feelings with your partner. You scored a 7.

For several decades, the role that sex plays in a relationship has been studied by researchers across many different disciplines, including biology, psychology, and sociology. Experts have concluded that sex can be a way that people express emotional intimacy. They also concur that sex can be a means for a couple to build upon the closeness that they already have. In short, in order to have the right kind of relationship, you need your physical connection to further your emotional connectedness to your partner.

Sex can hold a powerful position in some relationships. It is one of the factors that differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic one. So what does sex mean for you? Is it the cornerstone of your romantic relationship? Or are there things that are more significant? The Sex and Intimacy dimension looks at the role sex plays in your relationship, particularly how important or unimportant sex is for you.

Sex has a couple different components to it: how you approach sex in your relationship and how much you generally know about sex. Here's what we can tell you about how sex affects your personal relationships.

Sex is one of the many dimensions of a relationship that is important to you. But it is not the sole feature that determines the quality of your relationship. You appreciate the physical aspect of a romantic relationship but there are other aspects that you find equally compelling. Touch is just as important as talk, hugging is just as essential as sharing a moment, kissing is just as valuable as having a laugh. You, more than many, know how to balance the importance you place on sex and the other aspects of your relationship. The connection you have to the love in your life depends on a variety of factors. You express your feelings for your significant other through a combination of physical and emotional intimacy. You feel as if there is something missing from your relationship if your significant other relates to you on only one of these aspects.

Keeping the balance between the physical and emotional pieces of a relationship can be quite a juggling act, and, at times, you may find yourself struggling with the task. When this does occur, try to identify what part of your relationship is being put off to the side and pay attention to it.


Facts of Life
How you deal with sex is different from your general knowledge about sex. Here's how you scored on specially designated "facts of life" questions on our test: 6 out of 10.

With a score like that, we can tell you're definitely well read on the topic of sex. You may find that you gravitate towards reading or talking about sex more than the average person, or you may just have picked it up along the way. Either way, you're quite the sex expert. Want to see how we figured your general knowledge about sex? Here's the answer key.

"Facts of life" answer key

12. At what age, on average, do most people lose their virginity?


14


16


18

21

15. __ percent of men and __ percent of women think about sex every day.

75 : 35


55 : 20


50 : 50


30 : 15

18. When asked what they would prefer to do, more people choose spending time with friends over having sex.

True


False

21. On average, Americans have __ sexual partners across their lifetime, while internationally, people have an average of ___ sexual partners.


3 : 7


7 : 10


11 : 9

14 : 7

22. A woman takes approximately ___ minutes longer to reach sexual climax than a man.


2


5


10

15

31. On average, married couples have sex ___ times per week and couples living together have sex ___ times per week.


1 : 4


3 : 3

2 : 3


4 : 4

36. Female teenagers, on the whole, have sex more often than their male counterparts.

True


False

37. What percentage of Americans have had only one sexual partner in their lifetime?


4%

11%


17%


26%

40. As people age, they become more interested in their own sexual satisfaction as opposed to their partner's.


True

False

41. More than half of women who use condoms carry them with them.

True


False










Your Relationship Role

Beyond your scores on the Relationship IQ dimensions, beyond your general knowledge about relationships, we can also infer from your answers on the test, the way you are in a relationship.

You, it turns out, are a Supporter in relationships.

supporter


Your passion for life runs through every aspect of your relationship. You are more than a significant other to your significant other. You are their best friend. Relationships are very important to you, and you'll do anything to help out your partner. You're there for them and are willing to pitch in wherever they need help — whether it's cooking a nice meal when they're tired, or helping them with a problem they don't even know they have yet. They can count on you for just about anything and that's what helps make your relationships so strong.

You're incredibly supportive of your partner's dreams and ambitions. Your ability to pay attention to their hopes and desires helps them as they define their goals. And they probably come to rely on that. You're also not afraid to roll up your sleeves and help further their causes — whether canvassing neighborhoods with election posters for your sweetie, showing up for a work function, or taking care of their chores around the house. You're also someone who's probably willing to put aside your hopes and dreams for your partner's. Your kind and giving soul is energized when you see that your support has helped your partner reach their dreams.

But even people as supportive as you get into arguments with their partners. When you do, you may find yourself agreeing with your partner so the discussion will end amicably. It's not that your views have necessarily changed, but you may behave as if they have just to keep the peace. It takes a lot for you to have a spat, but it doesn't take long to kiss and make up. In fact, that's the easiest part of a disagreement for you.

Your playful sexual nature shines through both in and outside the bedroom. Your feelings during sex are important to you, and the art of lovemaking takes the front seat in your relationship. Physical intimacy makes you feel accepted by your lover, and lets you communicate how powerful your emotions are.

You want the same thing that you give to your partner: complete and utter acceptance. You accept your loved one unconditionally, and you want to experience that feeling yourself. Leave the emotional highs and lows for the big screen — you don't want someone who plays games. You appreciate a partner who knows what they want and like, and who is caring and open to you. It's important for you to connect with your partner during sex. You need to feel a bond with your lover, and physical intimacy allows you to express how deep your feelings run.

Your kind and gentle nature can sometimes put you at risk. Some people might find it easy to take advantage of you, and that could make for some uncomfortable situations. Since you're so easygoing, you tend to put on a happy face even when you're upset inside. You'll put up with the conditions, but deep down you're irritated that your significant other has failed to understand you.


Deep Down
Have you ever had insomnia? Lost your appetite? Gotten stomachaches out of the blue? Your physical symptoms may have an emotional root. It's possible that your feelings of being misunderstood or neglected have taken their toll on you physically. When you suppress your feelings, you can actually make yourself sick.

Maybe you don't want to share your feelings because you're afraid of rejection. You wonder what would happen if your partner didn't fully accept you. Would they leave? Would they think less of you? Just imagining the answers can cause you distress, and can make you reluctant to find out.


Take Action
For you, expressing emotions is challenging — especially when it comes to really strong emotions. Next time you have difficulty finding the words to express yourself, try writing down what you're feeling. It's important to let emotions come full-circle. When you release them onto paper, or through words, you not only start the process of recognizing them, but also make it easier to move beyond them and be honest with yourself. That in and of itself will give you a clearer vision of yourself and your situation. After you've sorted it through by yourself, and you feel it's safe, tell your partner that there's something you want to talk about. No relationship is worth compromising being true to yourself.









History of the Relationship IQ

The Relationship IQ test was created by a team of Tickle psychologists who noticed there was something missing in the study of relationships: a way to determine how much knowledge an individual can possess about romantic relationships. Up until now, there hasn't been a scientific method to gauge this knowledge. Tickle's Relationship IQ test fills the gap and provides people with a concrete way of grasping just how much they know about romantic relationships.

By poring over countless studies on relationships and communication, Tickle psychologists distilled the most compelling components: acceptance, communication skills, conflict resolution, and intimacy and sex. To determine your Relationship IQ, Tickle constructed a test around these four qualities that recent research agrees determine relationship success.

The more a person knows about something, the more likely they are to use that knowledge in their personal life. Based on that premise, Tickle has been able to determine your Relationship IQ Type. This describes how you are most likely to act in your romantic relationship based on the information you have.

But you don't have to stop here — there are a number of sources you can use to learn more about romantic relationships. For the latest scholarly findings on romantic relationships, turn to psychology journals such as the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships(www.jspr.org), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Psychology of Men and Masculinity and Sexuality, Society and Feminism. Feature articles on how people interact with others are also useful. Magazines such as Psychology Today and the American Psychological Association are great relationship resources.

The questions dealing with general sexual knowledge were derived from research performed by private companies and scientist practitioners. Durex, a condom manufacturer, conducted a massive study in 2000 in order to look at sexual behaviors, attitudes, and health around the globe. Scientist practitioners, such as Alfred Kinsey and the Masters and Johnson team, have done pioneering research in the areas of sexual behavior and the human sexual response, respectively. Both forms of research help to keep us better informed about human sexuality and its place in a romantic relationship.

One may say that this kind of test is useless and nonsense. But... as a coin always has two sides, you are free to floor your own opinion wink.

Another thing I want to write....
umm, jadi pada suatu ketika razz, Rachma terlibat suatu percakapan, dengan seorang teman, sebut saja A, seorang ikhwan, domisili somewhere on earth, hehehe.
Anggap aja ini sentimen pribadi, bahwa saat ini [udah sejak lama deng mrgreen], Rachma tidak mempercayai pengastaan ikhwan akhwat. Bukan berarti apriori, tapi yah... kebetulan kisah hidup Rachma mengenali sisi-sisi lain dari manisnya figur seseorang yang dilabeli ikhwan/akhwat, pleus berbagai macam kegiatan/organisasi yang ada sangkut pautnya dengan itu. It's more like... yeah, that's the way the life is.
So, no offense, epribadi... mrgreen.

Kembali ke cerita biggrin, hehe. Jadi, ketika Rachma berhadapan dengan seorang makhluk berlabel ikhwan, jadi cenderung ekstra hati-hati, apalagi kalau sudah berurusan dengan hal-hal yang menjurus ke suatu 'relationship'. Baik itu ta'aruf, or whatever you call it.
As far as I concern, ikhwan itu biasanya punya segudang kriteria calon istri. In short, I call them, "pemimpi". With such high criteria, maybe some are concentrated, even highly narrowed and shoot into a name of a woman. Very typical, I may say.

Yang Rachma pikirkan, dengan latar belakang 'sedikit' rasa apriori, kadang terlintas.... jika seorang ikhwan memimpikan seorang istri yang 'sempurna' -translated: cantik, pinter, sholehah, kaya, berasal dari keluarga yang baik-, then there is one question in my mind: what will he do as a husband? His wife is already outstanding, shining brightly already, with or without him, then what is his function? rolleyes. Hehehe, as a woman, I know the answer though, but it's kind of fun to ask that mrgreen.

and the story goes....ngobrol ke sana ke mari, sampai akhirnya menjurus ke... privasi. Ikhwan A mulai nanya-nanya masalah masak memasak. Halah, tipikal banget sih, mu nyari koki? razz. And in person, I don't like when a man ask me that, simply I will answer: Sorry, I cannot cook [and I don't intend to be your chef either twisted]. Tapi waktu itu, Rachma menjawab dalam redaksi lain, mostly because he is my friend, and I don't like to lie also:

me: Rachma gak bisa ngurus ikan mentah dan gak bisa juga motong ayam yang masih utuh. Tenaga Rachma gak cukup, mungkin perlu pisau yang tajem banget razz.
[I would say that it's only enough to push a computer keyboard, hehehe]
A: Ya nanti saya bantuin. Saya bisa ko ngurus ikan, pernah nyoba dulu. Nanti saya ajarin.
[ hmm, interesting...]
me: Gak ah, takut empedunya pecah. Kalau pecah kan jadi pahit ikannya.
A: Lha, kok takut. Yang namanya belajar ya jangan takut. Kalau ikannya pahit juga tetep saya makan kok. Tinggal pake kecap, beres.
me: Hmm... emang ngaruh gitu kalau pake kecap? perasaan nggak deh, tetep pahit.
[deep down in my heart, I am impressed... it is really sweet if he is still willing to eat such kind of food]
A: Ya, jangan pake perasaan makannya. Kalau lagi lapar sih makanan apapun enak aja.
[Haiyah... padahal Rachma kalo makan pake perasaan banget tuh rolleyes]

dan percakapan pun berlanjut ke hal lain. Rachma cenderung mencari celah untuk menemukan satu bentrokan, bukan mencari titik temu. Tapi waktu itu... keadaannya tampak tidak kondusif, membuat Rachma mesti masang alert lebih banyak, heheheh.

Misal, dari percakapan, Rachma tau kalau dia gak suka jalan-jalan, katanya sih karena jalan-jalan itu seperti buang-buang waktu. Dan tentu saja, dengan cepatnya Rachma respon, "Rachma seneng banget jalan-jalan, bulan ini aja udah ngerencanain ke sini, bulan ini udah ada rencana ke situ.... bla bla bla". Intinya mah nyari gara-gara ajah, heuheuheu, sampe akhirnya Rachma bilang gak pake mikir dulu, "kasian betul yang jadi istri A, ntar kalo belanja gak ditemenin dunk. Abis suaminya gak seneng jalan-jalan sih...". Terus dia jawabnya, "ya kalo buat istri beda, saya bersedia nemenin, walau itu cuman jalan-jalan aja" .
Beberapa saat Rachma mikir... this conversation is not healthy for me :tsk:, I might get involved too far. Percakapan berlanjut ke masalah keuangan. Rachma inget banget dengan imej cewek Sunda yang beredar di negeri antah berantah, yakni: "wanita Sunda itu geulis, tapi sayangnya pada matre, suka bersolek, dan manja". Hayah, siapa itu coba ya yang menyebarkan rumor kaya gitu, heuheuheu. Jadilah Rachma nyeletuk, "Rachma suka banget belanja, terus kadang suka jalan-jalan gak jelas, apalagi kalo lagi suntuk", pokoknya semangat banget cerita yang jeleknya, hahaha, da emang kenyataannya juga gitu kok razz. Terus, taunya, dia dengan santainya jawab, "Ooo, ya wajar kalo akhwat seneng belanja. Kalau gak suka belanja justru gawat, nanti di rumah gak ada apa-apa dong". Hayah... gawat, he controls the conversation. I hate that :sigh:.

Percakapan lain terus berlanjut kaya nambahin, "Rachma itu cerewet pisan, terus narsis, terus Rachma suka marah-marah gak jelas..." . Heuh, pokoknya semua sifat jelek Rachma sebut satu-satu. Lagi-lagi dia komentar dengan tenangnya, "ya, saya memang gak seperti Rachma yang foto friendsternya banyak sekali... [gubrak :tsk:]. Tapi saya belum pernah lo liat Rachma marah, jadi pengen liat... "

Ih, malah dibecandain... sad, gak suka. Pokoknya tuh percakapan jadi lanjut ke sana ke mari gak jelas. I hate the fact that he really controled the conversation.... halah, pokoknya jadi cape sendiri Rachmanya...

rolleyes

Percakapan ma dia bahkan sampai pada topik poligami, in which I prefer not to discuss about it. Dan dia dengan tenangnya komen, "ternyata sama ya, akhwat sekaliber Rachma pun kalau nyangkut masalah ini jadi sensi...". Hayah, males debat lagi ah, capek. Daripada ntar jadinya kebawa emosi, heheheh.

I find it somewhat interesting, yeah it's always fun to interrupt a so-called busy man cool.
Kalau kebetulan kondisi Rachma sedang tidak mendukung, ngobrol-ngobrol kaya gini bisa berbahaya, huehehe. Makanya kalo ngobrol ma dia, Rachma mesti kuat iman, [hahaha, bahasanya... naon deuih razz], perlu double protection, kekekek.

Disclaimer: kemungkinan A tadi baca post ini sangaaaaaaaaaat kecil. Karena orangnya, ngakunya sih,,, super sibuk, pleus bukan tipe blogger.
Tapi jaga-jaga bisi baca, maaf ya kisahnya Rachma tulis di sini, dapet bonus kan berarti... jadi tau apa yang Rachma pikirkan pas lagi ngobrol, heuheuheuheu mrgreen. Buat yang nge-fans sama A [banyak pisan emang fansnya dia, kekekek razz], it's jut an ordinary story. Rachma nulis ini buat ngeluarin uneg-uneg, biar gak mumet, mohon dipahami.

-naha nya jadi resmi kieu? -

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