Friday 22 February 2008

Wonderful gift

~Right after a busy day, in a foggy evening, announce with pride... today is wonderful~

Y: One day you'll meet him.
X: Who?
Y: Someone to whom you are belong to.
X: You mean God?
Y: Nope. A man.
X: Do I know him?
Y: I don't know...
X: :ha?:Ah, you mean my soul mate?
Y: It's more like... he is the owner of the soul, and you are the missing piece he is looking for.
X: That means I don't have a choice to choose who the owner is rolleyes
Y: Exactly
X: But that's quite random... Don't you think so?
Y: Not if you keep your heart healthy. It will be hard if some viruses are already in your heart.
X: :sigh: That's quite hard. I don't even know if my heart is healthy. It seems still needing the cure anyway.
Y: Then your waiting time is the best curing.
X: Do you think so?
Y: You know you don't have any choice. You are not curious about the person?
X: Me? very. But it's nice to have a surprise.
Y: It will be the best gift ever, a wonderful one. Trust me.
X: Why should I trust you anyway?
Y: Do you have any choice not to trust me?
X: :tsk: I don't.
Y: It's always best to prepare, honey.
X: Yeah, it's always be.

I never imagine that one day I have to share all my day with a significant other. It's always easy to say one thing theoretically, but for sure the reality will give a lot of surprise somehow. To think that one day somebody is coming out of nowhere, and I have to adapt with his world out of no reason, undoubtedly I feel scared some way. Simply because we are bound by marriage, then I have to share everything with him,,,, no more privacy, no more selfish things. Scary but interesting, isn't it?

To think that I might not even know him, I might not even love him,,, the fact that we are completely strangers makes me doubt, and silently ask "am I really the missing piece of your soul? what if I'm not? will you be disappointed? I know it's not nice to get disappointed, maybe I will ruin all beautiful images about your [future] wife, maybe I will only be a burden to your daily life. Maybe I will hurt you out of no blue. Before that scary things happen, can we stop it now?"

I realize, someone who decides to get married is a full spirit person. He gambles. He picks a woman, makes her his wife, but meanwhile he makes a very great promise, mitsaqon gholidho, with The Lord. If he fails to teach his wife, to take care of his family, than he has to take responsibility in front of The Great Allah. And I find it very scaryyyyyyyyyy :tsk:

The only thing I can think is "I want to be your best jewel ever". I don't care what the people are saying, I don't care what somebody else might be gossiping. I don't even know whether I love you or not. But I do care about you, about your happiness, your safety, here and there, now and then. Is that enough?

No. You probably hope that I can serve everything, like an angle doubled with guardian. Your high expectation has frighten me for sure. I start doubting you, more or less. I start to think, "Why should I give my only heart to you? why should I share my happy life with you? why should I give myself to you? why should I? what makes you deserve to have me? Are you really the one, the so-called wonderful gift? who are you?"

Out of no blue, I wrote those words. Today I talked to somebody new, and I realize... I have to be more careful in concluding something.

--All generalizations are dangerous, even this one-- [Alexandre Dumas]


Anonymous said...

Namamu tak terukur dalam catatan harianku...,
Asal usulmu tak hadir dalam diskusi kehidupanku
Wajah wujudmu pun tak terlukis dalam sketsa mimpi-mimpiku
Indah dan gagah suaramu tak terekam dalam pita batinku...

Namun kau hidup mengaliri pori-pori cinta dan semangatku...
Sebab, Kau adalah hadiah agung dari Tuhan untukku kekasihku...

Teruntuk seorang pria soleh yang akan jadi kekasih dan imamku,
yang akan aku cintai sepenuh hati dalam hidup dan mati...
Yang akan aku harapkan jadi teman perjuangan merenda masa depan
Dan menapaki jalan Illahi,
itu siapa?,
aku tak tahu...
Ia masih berada dalam alam ghaib yang belum dibukakan Tuhan untukku

Jika waktunya tiba...
Semuanya akan terang,
Hadiah agung dari Tuhan itu akan datang...

Rachmawati said...

Duh... baca puisi kaya gini pas week end


speechless deh

Popular Posts