Thursday 14 May 2009


I am not a person who easily trusts somebody. Well, I have prejudice that as long as I cannot prove that someone is lying, I have to be able to accept a premise that the person is not lying. To accept the premise that someone is not lying doesn't necessarily mean that I trust the person.... hahaha, kitu we lah pokoknya razz.

So, if for example... after a couple of months, or maybe years, I find out that someone is lying or kind of hiding something... sure deep down I feel a bit sad, but mostly I am grateful to know it sooner. No grudges, no hates, cause I am more excited to invest my energy on gaining weight than hating someone, heheh. Yeah... why should I hate somebody anyway? Hating someone is not a must thing to do, right? I try my best to understand that every person has their own reason to do something. Even if it's something that I can't understand clearly, sure I have no rights to mess it up only to feed my curiousity. Let's just leave the rest to common sense.

It's really interesting to observe some attitudes of a person who cares so much about the image-related things. For example, a person made a mistake, then asked for apology, then made sure I was not angry, then bla... bla... bla. Well, by default, I have abundance forgiveness to share (lebay razz), I have great ability to accept broadband attitudes, I am well-trained to do so. But as the question "why should I hate you?" is kind of tricky to explain, then the same goes to "why should I trust you?". Sometimes, in a devil mode twisted, I find it funny when a person cares so much about what the other people thinks. I mean, if the person is really good person... even if people think he/she is bad person, the person is still good person. God knows that, and so do the angels, and most importantly his/her self. And when a person does bad things, even if the other people don't know what he/she is doing, that doesn't change the history that the person does something bad. And when a person, for example, defend his/her self with a lot of argument or theory... there will be one point to face: will the reasoning also be valid in front of God? If yes, then the person is safe, if not.. then what other people think will not help at all.

Let's say, by default I respect every person. But as time goes by, the respect value (aha, teori baru razz) may increase or decrease, or maybe disappear at all. In fact, I can live really well with a person I don't respect at all. Haha, and yeah, I find it scary sometimes... to understand that I have the ability to potray a very nice attitude, even in front of a person I don't respect.

As a person who is usually able to find happiness in every moment by my self... I find it really refreshing to know somebody who is genuinely kind to others. Based on one question: is this person also longing another person to be kind to him/her, to make him/her happy? And for some reasons, I like to give some surprises to such person. With one intention: I want the person to smile nicely. Even if I don't see it in person, even when the person is a complete stranger... knowing someone happy is always nice. This nice feeling is true except in a devil mode, when I know that a person who has done something bad is unhappy for some reasons... sometimes... the devil inside me whispers: it serves you right ... twisted.... huehehehe, makanya minimal baca istighfar per hari tuh 100 kali,,, hihihi.


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