Wednesday 13 October 2010

The scattered

Every time I see that particular window, some scattered memories flash out, moving like this and that, going here and there. That's when I start questioning: what am I doing here?

The clock is definitely tickling, I can hear the sound very clearly. Not to mention those rush hours when my heart beats irregularly, giving a not-so-nice vibe, giving some... worries. I do understand though, I cannot turn back the time, neither I am willing to go back to the past... but considering this low sugar blood case, well... maybe I need to drink coffee to pass the day.

How are you, honey? A question that pops up every morning. I, with so many thoughts going around in my head, feel so burdened and a little bugged. I need to take a very deep breathe to answer that. Ah, sometimes I feel... the world is just too hectic for this silent morning. Not even close to put a nice smile, not even safe to tell jokes, it's just too shady. I need more light.

If this land is simply windy, I thought I just need a warmer coat. But the truth is... not only coat, but also a nice scarf, a dandy handbag, a catchy dress, good shoes, and sometimes... gloves. I need gloves. My hands are just too shaky, they are reddish sometimes. It is too cold. The weather is too cold. Sometimes, I can't even feel the cold anymore. I just walk... just walk... walk... 

Perhaps, I need to ask the architects to decorate the city more beautifully. They should have designed it better, in such a way that I don't feel that the road is just... well... too long to walk. It's too plain. I even don't remember anymore where I am supposed to go. This road is too long... too long.

Exceptional? Hmm, why do I feel that the things that make us exceptional also make us alone? I start to sense a big gap. The ground state is undefined and the excited state has no clear boundaries. Why does the world seem to be full of unknown things? It chills me out and I don't like this goosebump. It is so unfamiliar that I begin to feel afraid of many things, many unnecessary things. Many.

How do people survive? That's the next question that flies very neat in the air, welcoming the day. My heart beats so fast again, irregularly, sorting some anxious things. I wonder why the direction seems to be this scattered. I am tired already and some tears drop into my leather bag. I need tissue immediately. I need to dry the bag, I don't want to ruin its beauty.

Wait, why is the road so quite?
Ah, maybe I just need to turn the music on and keep walking.
Keep walking.


Jasmine Azahra said...

like this v- much..,much..much :D

Rachmawati said...

K Iqbal: Thanks for the smile

Jasmine: Thank you. Salam kenal ya :)

Jasmine Azahra said...

sama2 yah... saking sukanya, bhkn sy kutip tulisan km d blog sy... :))

Rachmawati said...

Heheh, anyway glad to know that you like it.

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