Tune up

Bed! Bed! I couldn't go to bed!
My head's too light to try to set it down!
Sleep! Sleep!
I couldn't sleep tonight
Not for all the jewels in the crown!

I could have danced all night!
I could have danced all night!
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before

I'll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once
My heart took flight

I only know when he
began to dance with me
I could have danced
danced, danced all night!

(It's after three now)
(Don't you agree now)
(She ought to be in bed)

I could have danced all night!
I could have danced all night!
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before

I'll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced
danced all night!

(I understand, dear)
(It's all been grand, dear)
(But now it's time to sleep)

I could have danced all night,
I could have danced all night.
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings,
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.

I'll never know
What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced,
danced All night!

~ I could have danced all night, OST My Fair Lady ~

Hari ini cenah Queen's day, warna orange mewarnai Belanda. Tambahan lagi, hari ini jual beli bebas pajak, jadi tadi ada iklan Wehkamp via email, dengan segala macem diskonnya. Tapi tetap sajah, hari ini dihabiskan dengan tidur seharian, eheheheheh. Sama sekali gak merasakan hiruk pikuk koninginnedag. Asli hibernasi, dan pas sore pun nge-lab. Abis itu ya balik lagi ke kosan mantengin laptop.


Well, eniwei... akhirnya, setelah surfing di dunia maya... kemarin jadi juga ngeklik betaal nu, hehehe. Padahal ini udah niat gak akan belanja-belanja. Tapi, mengingat kemaren itu pas ngecek rekening ada uang masuk 140 euro [kembalian uang housing, mengingat para penduduk YB pada ngirit, jadi total biaya setahun yang digunakan lebih rendah dibanding yang telah dibayarkan pada yang punya housing, so... we got refund ]. And what I bought is...

...a new keyboard...
Yamaha EZ-200

Hahaha, niat eta mah. Abisnya aneh, ngeliatin piano lesson tanpa praktek . Itu pun setelah nanya-nanya,,, keyboard bisa masuk bagasi pesawat ato gak (in case I will take it home). Mu beli yang high-end, sayang.... pengennya sekalian aja beli grand piano (tapi ini mah setelah settle punya rumah sendiri, kayanya). So, I am really looking forward to the new keyboard. Karena setelah beberapa kali mantengin video piano lesson, and move my hand as if my fingers touch the keyboard, dengan sadar hati menyadari... ternyata kalo jarang main jarinya jadi agak kaku. Jadi, biar lebih real, ya sudah, beli keyboard baru sajah. Alasan lain beli model EZ-200 adalah... tutsnya bisa nyala, lucuuuuu... heuheuheuheu.


Tadi ngobrol ma Mama, again, ngomongin keuangan. Rachma sebelumnya cerita sih kalo kemaren-kemaren belanja banyak, yang tentu sajah Mamahku tercinta langsung bertanya "emang belanja apa aja... bla bla bla", tapi waktu itu Rachma gak jelasin belanja apa ajanya mah (lagian gak wajib kan? Heheheheh ... mulai bandel ). Dan tadi pas ngobrol lagi pun, Rachma gak cerita kalo uangnya dipake lagi buat beli keyboard baru, hihihihi, cuman nyanggupin transfer lagi dalam waktu dekat. Kadang, kalo kondisi hati lagi kurang baik, suka kepikiran gini... kenapa Rachma mesti nabung banyak? Bisnis ini lah, itu lah, punya ini punya itu, bikin ini bikin itu... isn't that what a man should be doing? I imagine that will be very cool for a man to have so much assets at such a young age ... you know, kind of making him so well-prepared for the future. But for me... hmmm, well ... let's just consider it cool also... , maybe that thought will make the world a bit simpler.

Let's play the music and we'll sing
dance together in a harmony
melt our heart within the melody
grasp the hope and spark the love
altogether in our wonderful world

Verjaardag

Berdasarkan kalender Masehi, hari ini adalah milad yang ke-24. Sedangkan menurut kalender Hijriah, Rachma lahir tanggal 5 Sya'ban 1405... yang artinya umur 24 nya udah lewat tahun lalu... karena tanggal 5 Sya'ban yang terdekat jatuh pada tanggal 27 Juli tahun ini (tapi tahunnya 1430 H, berarti menurut kalender Hijriah, tanggal segitu udah umur 25). Eniwei, 24... angka yang lebih dari cukup menandakan ketuaan, dua lusin kalo kata temen mah. Heuheuh, gak kerasa... perasaan masih umur 17 gitu... hihihi... bahkan ada yang pernah nyangka Rachma masih SMP... Omigoood, asal jangan nyangka Rachma masih SD aja deh, kan kenyataannya udah S3 gituuu....


Hari ini tentunya tidaklah berbeda dari hari-hari sebelumnya... hanya saja, ada satu perasaan... "lebih siap menghadapi hidup". Ya,,, anggap aja bahwa milad kali ini adalah momentum untuk merealisasikan kedewasaan. Dan.. yang dilakukan di hari pertama umur 24 adalah... tidur seharian, hehehe, asli hibernasi eta mah. Soalnya hari-hari sebelumnya terlalu semangat namatin suatu serial ampe 5 season, huehehehe. Alhasil, wiken dijadikan pelampiasan tidur panjang. It's still a lovely day though.


I do have a lot of wishes, but this time... I like to keep them secret :) . Some of you might guess them right, heheheh. Sangat berterima kasih pada semua yang masih ingat milad Rachma, makasih banyak atas do'anya, atas perhatiannya, atas surprisenya. Semoga Allah membalas dengan yang lebih baik. It's so wonderful to realize,,, I do have a lot of nice friends around. Hope I can treasure all of you better.


Have a great day, everybody.

Collectible

Vorige dag ben ik naar Keukenhof geweest... Yay, de tweede maal .... tulpen te zien, heel mooie bloemen.

Anyway, some impulsive actions happened lately . Yap, I get stressed. Well, it's PhD world, so it's not that surprising to get stressed everyday... but this time, it's like tearing my body apart. I mean it. I am so tired... . So yeah, again, I lose some of my weight. I don't have any appetite to eat. Have no energy left to prepare some healthy food. I happened to feel like working without feeling. No fun, no excitement.... it's just boring, yet I have to finish it soon. Plus, my energy was absorbed too much to understand the world, whatever you name it, it exhausted my soul.

So, I bought some things collectible:
- apparels. Some new silk/chiffon dresses of this spring collection. Also another funky-wangky collections from Esprit, Mexx, and Fila... and another Triumph's design too . Some people might wonder why a single woman spends some money on lingerie, which no body will see it. Well, it' s just a matter of pampering my body. I work so hard to earn money. This body deserves to have some nice fabrics. And I feel more comfortable. So who cares if no body sees it anyway.
- jewelry. I bought some necklaces. Again, I wear it for my self . When I am in a big stress, it's just refreshing to see and wear something sparkling, heheheh. Some are made of pearl (the Tahitian's are cute), sapphire, ruby, amethyst, some other cute stones-you name it. I start to like sterling silver even more, it's cheap .
- skin care. Again, I bought some new things. I just feel like taking care of my body more intensively. I really like the new nail buffer, it's Ezflow pro shine nail buffer. It works great. Also I like my new lip gloss, Dior Rouge Creme de Gloss 255. Dior's collection does knows how to pamper its customer. Oh well, I bought a jump-rope for skipping too. So before and after starting my day in the lab, I do some exercises. Again, to take care of my body,,, my health, heheh.

Ezflow Pro Shine



Dior Creme de Gloss 255

When I saw the latest statement of my bank account... ... wakwaw ... hueheheh. Just kidding. I did spent some money. But ... well, it's supposed to be worth it. And believe me, when you buy something more than 10 euros for one item, then it's expensive . The Esprit and Mexx T-shirt costed each around 6 euros (from original price 30-40 euros... yay! I love aanbieding). But yeah,,, a piece of silk dress costs me around 20 dollars, yet I bought it, oh well... more than one.... because they are cuteeeeeeee...heuheuheu.


It's my money, but somehow I feel ... hmm... weird, kind of feeling guilty maybe. I am supposed to save a lot this month, but... Mommy... sometimes your cute innocent daughter does needs some gorgeous things around to excite her life more, so please understand....



So based on calculation, I may not use my having-fun-fund for the next two, oh no ... three months....


Owh, may gawd...

...




And to entertain my self, I just watched a lot of series of Barbie's movies. Haha, you just need to sit nicely in front of your laptop, bring some food, no need to think,... just watch the cartoons moving and acting by them selves, and by the time you just know that the movie ends already... then watch another movie, and so on, and so on....

Sometimes, I don't know what I am actually doing....

Seize the day

There was a little girl, living in a really happy world. She was taught how to live the life to the fullest. Clearly shown to her, a good girl should be strong, brave, never afraid of anything. A good girl is always happy and showing happiness. She knows how to have her act together, hides her sadness and never shows any trace of sorrow. A good girl should smile a lot, a perfect one. Always cheerful and know how to embrace the environment. A good girl never holds grudges, always forgives. A good girl always speaks something meaningful, always thinks before acting. A good girl knows how to spread the breeze of a peaceful life. A good girl walks her life path with grace and dignity....

Maybe, the world is not as simple as I think, as I used to live in. Maybe I am not as strong as I was taught to be. There are many times I can't bear something, that I let my tears falling down. There are a lot of emotional stories I am supposed to hide, the gloom I am supposed to suppress, yet I write them on a blog, share them with you. There are times I just can't understand something to the point that I let my self holding a piece of sadness. There are a lot of times I forget to give a perfect hi and smile. There are times when I feel so weak, to the state that I feel my heart scattered unreasonably. There is time ... I really miss the little girl of me.


Every person is forced to grow up, as the world demands it. Yet some realities get crashed with the edge of my stubborn beliefs. I get confused sometimes, to really deal with a real world. At some points, I am also afraid of many things, showering my self with a lot of doubts, weakening my own strength. I try my best to be strong, yet I lose some faith on my own hope. To just realize, sometimes I just can't stand on my own feet. It hurts my pride, for some reasons. I am always ensured to value my life, but maybe... I value my self too high. Silence might cover the vulnerable me, shaded with a nice smile. And I might act really well, as a lot of people envy my life for sure. Yet I am looking for the real meaning, to the deepest part of my soul, to find the beautiful jewel that I might forget.


I want to sharpen my heart, open my mind a lot wider, accept the truth more bravely, as the little girl was always taught: Live the life to the fullest ... with grace and dignity. I do believe, the future is always bright and better ;).


... Ready to be a mature grown up.
The wonderful world is in your hand, girl.
Get up, dress up, show up, and speak up.
Hueheheheh



*gambar diambil dari web.

A panegryc

* Gambar diambil dari web

Di malam yang sunyi dan sesenyap ini
Dapatkah kumohon pada Yang Esa
Masihkah tampak manis raut wajahku
Masihkah seputih kapas di hatiku
Bilakah tak kukoyak mata hatiku
Oh mungkinkah

Begitu besarnya kasih-Mu untukku
Karunia dari-Mu setiap waktu
Tanpa-Mu tak kan indah jalan hidupku
Tanpa-Mu tak kan mudah nikmat rizki-Mu
Karena-Mu s'lalu bersyukur saat ini
Ku beranjak dewasa

Semoga hidup ini kulalui dengan hati
Yang seterang bintang-bintang indah bertaburan
Tanpa kecewa, amarah, prasangka ... oh ....

Dan semoga selalu kujalani perintah-Mu
Tuhan bimbinglah diriku
Penuh kasih, Yang Maha Pengasih
Doaku selalu
Di malam ini


~ Sherina Munaf, Aku beranjak dewasa, My life (2002) ~

Ketika waktu berlaju tanpa ragu
Ketika bumi berputar sedemikian rupa
Ketika dunia hiruk pikuk dengan segala rona cerita
Ketika usia senantiasa bertambah tak terasa
Ketika tiap hembus nafas ini bagaikan langkah-langkah rintih menuju kubur-Mu
Ya Allah,
Ya Rabbal álamin,
Jagalah diri ini senantiasa dalam keridhaan-Mu....

Why do I feel a little bit uneasy to welcome my upcoming birthday?

Pi ec di

Kesuksesan menjalani profesi sebagai seorang PhD (Doctor of Philosophy) dapat diformulasikan sebagai fungsi dari x:

x = waktu kerja, konteks kontrak 4 tahun

q = taqdir!
d = doá
a = keajaiban
b = keberuntungan
s = kesehatan fisik dan mental (yang berkaitan ma semangat kerja maksudnya )
e = eksperimen di lab
l = literatur yang dipahami
v = kreativitas kerja
i = interpretasi tepat terhadap literatur, eksperimen, dan olah data
s = kesalahan kerja: salah ngitung, salah nambah zat, salah baca jurnal, salah baca/ngolah data, dan salah-salah lainnya
m = malas, moody
t = stres karena deadline (plus group meeting, report, ato poster! ), homesick, suntuk, bete, sedih, ato mungkin masalah hati
p = pendapat konstruktif dari supervisor, temen lab; so iye baca buku dan jurnal; hasil berbosan ria ngehadirin konferensi, seminar, group meeting, kolokium, dan meeting-meeting lainnya
j = jalan-jalan, liburan (ngahedon! ) [dengan sadar hati mengakui variabel ini fungsinya selevel dengan kegiatan “menuntut ilmu”]
f = fesbuk, frenster, yutub, dan lain-lain yang ngabisin waktu (yang dilakukan saat jam kerja, mungkin online shopping masuk juga di sini, heheh )



Disclaimer: fungsi PhD(x) ini sewaktu-waktu dapat berubah tanpa alasan yang jelas. Kalopun gak ada penjelasan rasional, maka akan dicari latar belakang, teori, dan konklusi, sedemikian sehingga fungsi PhD(x) ini jadi tampak rasional.

...



...

kadang profesi ibu rumah tangga tampak lebih menggiurkan....

Codec

Compress-decompress

Berapa lama minimal waktu yang diperlukan seseorang untuk benar-benar mengenal orang lain? 6 bulan? Setahun?


Okay, let's say with intense interaction... 6 months is enough. There you will get specific codec for specific person . You understand every true meaning in every word, you get what it is described by corresponding gestures, intonation, mimic... you even can guess what will be said by the person. Because more or less, you understand that person, you get the codec. No more secrets... well yeah, not really all secrets, but when some people really know you, they always know what you are doing, what you really mean. Scary, but interesting. As if they can read your mind.


Having a lot of friends is like having a really big family. You have a lot of nice people around you. Even though they don't say literally they love you, but in fact they do. They feel your pain, they cheer you up. They feel your happiness, they are happy for you. They simply care about you. Dan beberapa temen Rachma, di Groningen tercintah ini (pleus beberapa yang tersebar di belahan benua lain... halah ;p) ... know me too well (wehehehehe, yeah "too well" ). Mereka bisa nebak jalan pikiran Rachma, ah pokokna mah udah gak ada rahasia weh. We know one another very very well (yeah ... again, very very well ). It makes me wonder, since when we know one another that well?


Lagi sedih, seneng, bete, mumet, dan segala macemnya, selalu ada temen yang dengan kesibukannya masing-masing masih menyempatkan diri untuk saling berbagi cerita, hang out bareng, kuliner bareng, belanja bareng, masak bareng, pleus tentu sajah makan bareng (tapi gak ada nge-date bareng, da jomblo semuah, jomblo di sini maksudnya... xixixixix ). Ngomong-ngomong tentang jomblo, wiken kemaren nelpon Mama. Niat sih cuman mu nelpon 10 menit, soalnya ada acara silaturahmi dG, tapi pas bagian ceramah jodoh, tuh obrolan berubah jadi sejam lebih . Kalo di milis lagi ribut ama produser narsisus, nah kemaren itu Rachma kayaknya diprotes Mama karena saking narsisnya Rachma sama status single, eheuheuheu (asli deh narsis gak narsisnya seseorang mah gak ada hubungannya ama almamater, itu mah hubungannya ama kepercayaan diri [disclaimer ]). Ampe adik Rachma yang cowok ikutan protes juga. Amazed Rachma, sejak kapan dia ikutan peduli ama status single ato married . Ditanya gini: "naha milarian nu kumaha atuh Teteh teh, ieu alim itu alim...", jawaban simpel "a good man". Kalo dulu masih keukeuh sama "chemistry", sekarang... umm... lately I find my self having the ability to learn loving something (jadi mungkin berlaku juga untuk orang). So maybe (still, ada kata maybe nya )... yeah, we'll see (males mikir ). Hahahaha, niat gak niat. Kayaknya faktor pendorong pengen nikah tuh paling, kalo liat anak kecil lucu banget (asliiiii,,, pengen punya anak, walo kemaren-kemaren ngerangkum gosipan ibu-ibu tentang ribetnya mengandung dan melahirkan anak, tetep... pengen punya anak ), pan panginten kedah nikah heula eta teh, hehe. Ato kalo liat baju-baju, boneka, ato aksesori lucu (apalagi kalo ada hello kittynya... waaaaa, mupeng...mupeng... tapi mesti inget umur, heuheu). Ato kalo lagi liat oma opa di sini jalan bareng sambil pegangan tangan (aih, romantisnyaaaaa ), ato kalo lagi liat keluarga yang shopping bareng (suaminya gak keberatan gendong anak dan bantu bawain belanjaan, duh... cooo cwiiittt... ). Ato kalo lagi liat pemandangan malem yang banyak bintang pleus lampu kota temaram dan lanskap en arsitektur bangunan yang megah (I wish there's somebody special beside me,,, hihihihi). Ato kalo liat foto nikahan temen... (waaah, orang lain mah udah nikah, udah punya anak lagi...)... kekekekek... okasional.


Let's say, I have fabulous life. Good salary, good environment, a lot of friends, a lot of fun activities. Yah, walopun dengan ketenangan Groningen tercintah ini rasa suntuk mudah sekali datang, I would always say my life is good. I feel fulfilled, although feeling lonely once in a while , I am happy with my life. So... it's just... to share my life with somebody new (whom I don't know him that much) is kind of weird. I know I can learn to love somebody. But of course with clear thinking and some reasonable backgrounds, I will not grant that chance to just anybody. You may say that I'm picky, but why not? Imagine if you have a lovely daughter like me, or a lovely sister like me (again, narsis ), what kind of son in law do you expect? or what kind of brother in law do you want? Will you just let your lovely daughter, lovely sister, or whoever your female relatives marry just anybody? Of course not, right?


Heuheu, Rachma sering banget berargumen kaya gitu. Ampe sering dikomenin, "Neng... atuh kitu wae mah pameget teh sieuneun nyaketanna oge". Oke... cap gajah (narsis), ip 4 (narsis), cap groningen (narsis), cap PhD (narsis), gaji, gaji... dalam euro (narsis), aset sekian sekian (narsis...). Weleh, hehehehehe pinarsiseun semua. So I said, "Mom, can I just enjoy my life? I believe when the time is right, I will meet him, the Mr. Right, and we'll live a happy life". Akhirnya, kalimat pemungkas itu menutup pembicaraan. Yang artinya juga segera meluncur ke acara silaturahim, pas banget lagi jam makan-makan .


Okey, another codec. I believe each of you already get the codec for each family member. The good and the bad sides. Luckily, we all have significant trust and love to accept them the way they are. I do hope I can also apply that to everyone. I mean, really everyone. Soalnya... hmm... mungkin ini kurang baik. Jadi Rachma itu, kalo udah punya prejudice buruk tentang seseorang, maka ketika Rachma bersosialisasi dengan orang itu... jadinya kurang lebih hanya untuk kesopanan saja (gak dihayati pake hati). Dan ntah kenapa, apa pun yang dilakukan si orang tadi, selalu nampak kurang pas, dan suka jadi gemes sendiri. Ini yang lebih tua siapa, kok manja banget seh, kok gak dewasa banget seh, kok pundungan banget seh, kok mudah marah banget seh, kok maceuh banget seh... drama queen banget seh... lebay deh, gak pantes deh,,,, lanjut terussssss. Belum lagi ekspresi... hello people, inget umur napa.... sambil tetap dibungkus senyum manis pleus kesabaran tingkat tinggi. Sometimes I am afraid of my self to portray those attitudes, I mean... you never really know, you never really can judge somebody if you don't know him/her quite well. Yeah, and I still hope it's just my imagination to judge somebody that far, to the point that I conclude that person is really annoyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing. Still with a nice smile.

Saatnya mendoktrin diri...

Mempelajari sesuatu itu mesti komprehensif, menyeluruh. Membekali diri itu tidak hanya dengan ilmu agama, tapi juga ilmu-ilmu lainnya. Sumber ilmu itu bukan hanya buku dan guru, tapi apa pun yang terlihat, terdengar, tersentuh, terasa, semua yang bersinggungan dengan kita... itu adalah sumber ilmu. Jangan mudah percaya pada apa yang dilihat, yang didengar, bahkan yang dirasa... karena sering kali konklusi yang dibuat adalah semu. Selalu hati-hati dan waspada, karena kita tidak pernah tahu apa yang akan menimpa, apa yang akan terjadi. Dan tentu saja yang sangat penting, nikmati hidup ... bagaimana pun skenarionya. Senantiasa tersenyum dan riang, sebagaimanapun sedihnya. Senantiasa berbagi dan memberi, sebagaimanapun sempitnya. Senantiasa memaafkan, sebagaimanapun sakit hatinya. Senantiasa berusaha mengerti, sebagaimanapun tidak rasionalnya. Senantiasa bersyukur, sebagaimanapun luluh lantaknya.


Jangan menganggap remeh orang, kita tidak pernah benar-benar tau seberapa banyak ilmu yang bisa diperoleh darinya. Hormati setiap manusia, siapa pun ia. Bahkan jika ia adalah orang yang tidak menghormati kita, memusuhi, bahkan menyakiti dan membuat sedih, ... tetap hormatilah ia... karena manusia adalah makhluk sempurna ciptaan Allah... yang dalam setiap dirinya, ada ilmu yang tersimpan. Tentu, ada pikiran yang kadang menggelitik, menjadi orang baik itu... melelahkan, bahkan kadang tertindas. Namun tentu saja sang hati pun berbisik, semua kelelahan itu akan terbayar sempurna, berganti bahagia.

and I wonder...

you, the one who has so much free time to read each post of this blog, have you already gotten the codec, to the point that you know what I really mean behind every text?

Kalo iya, berarti Rachma mesti hati-hati dunk kalo ketemu, heheheheh . Soalnya Rachma iseng ngeliat list visitor, ada yang lupa ngapus cookies kayanya, ampe ke-record more than one hundred returning visits...
heuheu... hayo sapa yang ngerasa....
ngerasa jarang ngapus cookies...