Friday, 9 May 2008

Fahri-isme

Itu yang kelintas kalo ada hal-hal yang berhubungan dengan novel yang fenomenal tea, "ayat-ayat cinta". Subjektif, kalo dari segi novel, Rachma kurang suka penokohan yang melangit, jadinya lebih mirip sinetron, menjual mimpi, hanya saja kali ini package nya lebih cantik: agama.

Tapi untuk buku penggugah, tausiah-er, buku ini bagus. Over all, yang Rachma tangkap dari novel ini, ayat-ayat cinta itu me-refer ke ayat-ayat Al-Qurán, wujud cintanya Allah terhadap manusia. Saking sayangnya, saking kasihnya... dikasi penuntun jelas biar hidupnya selamat dunia akhirat. Tentunya, image sesuatu itu dipengaruhi oleh ilmu pembaca, latar belakang, dan lingkungan. Sebagaimana teori point of view... sesuatu itu tergantung dari mana kita menilai, gajah pun bisa terlihat jadi garis kalo dilihat dari sudut dan jarak tertentu.

Rachma bukan orang yang mudah mengidolakan sesuatu, bukan pula orang yang larut dengan trend. It's more like... I have my own world, I have my own path. Kadang bingung, bahkan miris... dengan orang-orang yang segitunya mengidolakan sosok Fahri, atau Aisha... or whatever. Pernah, ada seorang cowok yang membanggakan keikhwanannya, membanggakan kemiripan sifatnya dengan sosok Fahri, lantas dengan semangat 45nya, yakin akan mendapatkan sosok seorang Aisha-alike. Fisik dan hati Rachma tersenyum ngeliat fenomena itu, lantas terlintas "You cannot amaze me by that. I am not looking for a man masked Fahri-alike. I respect more... a man having his own unique personality". Isn't the world extremely boring? People follow what the trend is, letting their own shine shadowed by another figure. How pity.

Sejarah saat membaca novel itu... hmm... sekitar... tingkat tiga kali ya, atau tingkat dua? lupa mrgreen. Yang jelas... saat itu, lagi ada dalam fase mengenal "dunia". Yang asalnya terbiasa dengan lingkungan nyaman, aman, damai, penuh kasih sayang, pokoknya yang lurus-lurus ajah. Tiba-tiba melihat fenomena yang dinamis, berbagai karakter... seolah melihat sisi lain dunia... sisi gelapnya... [melebih-lebihkan razz]. Setelah berlalu lalang makan asam garam kehidupan... [naon deuih... :)) ], jadinya berkesimpulan... cowok itu makhluk yang harus diwaspadai, dan dunia cewek itu mengerikan, terlepas dari pelabelan ikhwan-akhwat-ammah. Yeah, cukup untuk menyimpan fear factor dalam hati. Kalo diinget-inget... kayaknya kerjaan Rachma tuh nangiiiis ajah, amazingly no body noticed [itulah gunanya kaca mata pleus perfect smile cool]. Not even my family knows those kind of things. Kalo pulang ke rumah... Rachma pulang membawa cerita seru, dan kalo akhir semesteran bawa info straight A. Everyone is happy then.

Yang bikin nyaman itu... kalo udah tiduran di pangkuan Mama, rambut dielus, sampai ketiduran beneran. I don't need to pathetically cry in front of her, I just need a really comfort rest, a really comfort rest... that is more than enough. Sekali waktu, Rachma pernah bilang sama Mama, "Ma... Rachma mah takut kalo nikah sama orang berlabel ikhwan... takut dipoligami mrgreen ". Suka tentram kalo denger Mama bilang, "siapa pun itu, yang penting kan hatinya. Mau ikhwan atau bukan, kalo hatinya baik... ya baik, kalo hatinya lembut ya pasti lembut". Pertanyaan selanjutnya, "gimana Rachma tau kalo seseorang berhati lembut???", jadi pe-er biggrin. Yang lebih seru pas lagi bergosip sama Mama, FYI... Rachma tuh jarang banget ngobrol-ngobrol masalah privasi sama Papa, jadi kalo sama Papa itu ngobrolnya masalah uang bulanan mrgreen, masalah politik, dan keilmuan, tak lupa masalah fashion, hehehehe, selera seni Papa tuh tinggi, tauu aja barang lucu, heuheu. Nah, Rachma kan sering bilang ke Mama, pengen jodoh yang sholeh. Terus kata Mama, Papa komen gini, "nu sholeh nu kumaha? da nu namina pameget mah, mun nyaketan istri teh nu ditunjukkeun na nu saena hungkul"... wehehehehe, ekstrim razz. Kalo prinsip Papa itu, "jangan mau diajak pacaran, kalo cowok serius mah ngadep ke Papa, bukan ngajak kamu pacaran buang-buang waktu gak jelas" ... [Siap, setuju Pak! mrgreen]. Tapi kalo prinsip Mama itu... "Gak apa-apa pacaran, asal Papa kamu gak tau"... weleh weleh rolleyes, Mamaku... heuheuheu [but still, love you ... miss you, Mom].

Kembali ke Fahri-isme, jadi... salah satu karakter yang Rachma list, yang berhati lembut itu ... [hihihi, kesannya feminine mrgreen], tidak mengganggap isu istri 4 sebagai suatu guyonan renyah. Yang terlintas ketika ada orang yang segitu ringannya membawa isu itu sebagai candaan adalah, "hatinya gak peka... pasti belum pernah ngerasa sedih ato sakit hati yang amat sangat, gimana coba kalo kasus itu teh menimpa ibunya? adik perempuannya? atau anak perempuannya?". Walo dipackage dalam pembeneran "becanda"... I still find it ridiculous. Kadang kelintas juga, gimana kalo kasus kaya gitu menimpa diri sendiri?

Eeto...
Will that case make my husband happier? If yes,,, hmm,,, what can I do, isn't marriage suppose to be happiness-alike? If my pain is worth his happiness, no point to complain... I just don't know how and where to bear it. But... if he is really the soulmate, he should know how scary the pain will be. So I do wonder what kind of man brave or even proud of doing that? and what kind of woman brave to hurt another woman? Scary... Yang jelas mah bukan termasuk yang berhati lembut, mungkin termasuk orang yang tidak terlalu menghargai hati, berkilah dengan suatu frase "asal alasannya syar'i".

To experience a lot of cases once in a time, for sure makes my heart beat faster, sometimes being hurt, tired. But everything has value, if I have never experienced something myself, I'll never know how precious it is, I cannot feel what other will feel, etc etc.

That's why I don't like waiting nor being waited. Even if I love somebody, that doesn't mean I wait for him, thus more or less I'm not really interested in what he is doing. If he tells the story, I listen, I comment, I advise, seriously... with all my attention, my heart wink . If he is sad, confused, tired, I try to cheer him up, I support, I encourage, I help. If he is that busy, I enjoy my "me" time. If he is such happy to "look around", I don't mind ... just let him do whatever he wants, he for sure will always find me smiling nicely. As long as he says it, I consider it heartily. But if he doesn't dare to convey what he feels, doesn't dare to share what is actually happening ... don't ever expect me to find it out myself. Yeah, no extra free attention unfortunately, not yet wink. I worry, I am sad, I am hurt,,, I keep it for my self. If he cannot value such simple things, for sure he is not worth my precious time. Blacklisted, with a perfect nice smile.

I will not waste my time to be looked extremely good in front of him, why should I anyway? Not my husband yet, better to save my energy for another important things. Actually, it's more convenient if he thinks a bad image about me. That will be a very good filter, a very natural selection. As a simple question I always ask, is he interested in me... or... in any attributes within me?
In relation with this fahri-ism, a trend to look for perfect figure... ma... ma... I do hate such kind of things.

Once upon a time, I asked someone... "why do you like me?"... he answered "I like your voice". What the??? !@#$%&^&*
Since then, few years ago... I stop receiving unnecessary phone call. I almost hate doing voice call. I also change the way I talk, avoiding that cute-soft-talk way. I feel safer when I talk in high note mrgreen. Or other answer such as "I like you because you are smart... bla bla bla....". Geeze, dunno why but I don't like the answer... it sounds more like high "beeeeeeep... beeeeeep", a wrong password. Since then, I hate talking something related to SARA [suku, agama, ras, dan akademik razz], heheheh. Mostly I avoid meeting people, man especially. Dunno why, but I enjoy my own world, I feel safer in it, ya it's lonely... but I feel safe, I am way too afraid to get hurt. Thus, it's quite hard for me to accept somebody unexpectedly already in my heart. Not to mention that fahri-ism thing, it seems so fuzzy.

People often ask, "What kind of man do you want?"... and I simply whisper in my heart... I don't know. I don't even have the criteria of him. My soulmate ... he could be anyone, but he is already here in the world, or maybe... do I still have time to meet him? do I even deserve to ask for criteria??? I enjoy the mystery in it, I love surprise anyway. It will be the sweetest gift wink. Eeto... Should I also give him a little surprise? mrgreen

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