Feeling blue

And I...
Never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well then close your eyes
and try to feel the way we do today
And than if you can remember

Keep smilin'
Keep shinin'

Knowin' you can always count on me for sure
that's what friends are for

For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well you came in lovin' me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you....

Ohhh and then
For the times when we're apart
Well just close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember...

That's what friends are for


~ That's what friends are for, Stevie Wonder ~

Lagi feeling blueeeee, denger lagu itu pun nangis,,,, ahahahahah... lebay . Abis liriknya... duh... coooooo cwiiiiiiiit ... . Kadang emang bersyukur banget punya air mata, kalo lagi suntuk bete sedih, tinggal nangis ajah... heheheh. Dan biasanya kalo lagi gloomy-gloomy gini, kalo berdo'a khusyu banget, kekekekekek.... lebih pantas disebut curhat daripada do'a . Udah bukan sambil nangis-nangis lagi eta mah, kadang ketiduran di atas sejadah... hihihi. Apalagi kultum pengajian sabtu kemarin topiknya tentang waktu-waktu maqbulnya do'a... hoho, mari optimalkan semua waktu do'a (nyadar diri banyak maunya ).


Dulu kalo lagi suntuk, obatnya nelpon orang rumah. Sekarang mah... lagi menghindar nelpon rumah, ihihihihi, abisnya diceramahin jodoh mulu . Endless topic tampaknya. Tapi curiganya, ntar kalo dah nikah, diceramahin kapan punya anak, kalo dah punya anak... diceramahin kapan menikahkan anak, kalo anaknya dah nikah, kayanya akan ada pertanyaan... kapan punya cucu.... heuheuheu.... lanjut terus.


So, for the last gloomy week... I suddenly miss my husband-to-be... kekekekek, asli lebay. Sometimes, I feel my self weird because of that... I mean... is that normal? Missing an imaginary person? [my heart says: that's weird... ]. Normally, when I miss someone, I pray for him/her, a looooooong pray. And that's what I did recently, mostly becoming my daily habit, asking God... "is he, whoever he is, is he doing fine? Is he okay? Is his bussines -whatever it is- running well?" Not to mention that I also ask God to take care of him, "if he is sad, please take away his sadness, please brighten up his days. If he is busy, please help him handle it. If he is not feeling well, please cure him. Please guard him to be always on the right path of Yours". I know it's weird, but I am doing it everyday, weheheheh ... it's kind of expressing my longing, and it does makes me feel better afterwards.


Kadang kalo lagi bengong abis sholat, udah berdo'a, udah tidur-tiduran... terus masih bengong juga... biasanya Rachma suka iseng ngedo'ain salah satu orang yang Rachma kenal... heheheheh. Habit yang random, could be anybody, dan itu awalnya emang iseng ngisi waktu sih. Kadang alasannya mungkin... ummm, if I'm in the person's position... it really doesn't feel good to face a problem alone, so if there's something I can do, I'd love to. And as moslem, we know... a pray can turn to be a great help. Jadi kata awal berdo'anya gini: " Ya Allah, boleh gak ya Rachma ngedo'ain (*nama*)...? Jadi ya dari yang Rachma tau dia itu... bla bla bla...." panjang lah do'anya, eh curhatnya maksudnya . Tapi tentu sajah, biar do'anya makin maqbul, yang dido'ainnya gak boleh tau duoooong... kalo dia kadang Rachma do'ain...hihihihi. Oh, yang lebih iseng lagi... Rachma do'akan semua orang bahagia ... yang mana menurut hemat pikiran orang dewasa, yang ini teh asa gak logis sebenernya. Heuheuh... asa gaya, udah 24 mah udah boleh bilang "menurut hemat pikiran orang dewasa".... kekekek ... .


Ada quote lucu, dari Hannah saat usianya masih 8 tahun: "If you're feeling blue, try painting yourself a different color".


And I choose pink, pul op leup... ...

Pride

* Taken from web

No mountains too high, for you to climb
All you have to do is have some climbing faith, oh yeah
No rivers too wide, for you to make it across
All you have to do is believe it when you pray

And then you will see, the morning will come
And everyday will be bright as the sun
All of your fears cast them on me
I just want you to see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

I saw the teardrops, and I heard you cry
All you need is time, seek me and you shall find
You have everything and you're still lonely
It doesn't have to be this way, let me show you a better day

And then you will see, the morning will come
And all of your days will be bright as the sun
So all of your fears, just cast them on me
How can I make you see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

And when it's time to face the storm
I'll be right by your side
Grace will keep up safe and warm
And I know we will survive

And when it seems as if your end is drawing near
Don't you dare give up the fight
Just put your trust beyond the sky...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

~ I'm your angel, Celine Dion and R. Kelly ~

There are different kinds of dehumanization. One of them is when you have to stay angelic. No matter how people treat you, you have to keep your positive thoughts. No matter how suffered you are, you are not allowed to blame another person. No matter how sad you are, you have to keep the sorrow for your self, and stay bright... smile a lot. No matter how tired you are, you have to use whatever energy left in you ... to stay angelic. Until one moment flashes right in front of your eyes, and you realize... you feel lonely.


I believe everyone has their own definition of what is called as 'pride'. But how many people actually know how to guard their pride right? When you let someone takes advantage of you, I would say that you let your pride taken away. When you are not able to say 'no', when you fool your self to keep loyal to something unworthy, you unconsciously break your own pride. And the best moment when pride might be at its lowest price is... when somebody is in love. Let's say, everyone has love, though formed in a different way. I would happily acknowledge, that love is priceless, such that it should be granted to the right person, to the right thing, in the right way, on the right time, in the right moment. Unfortunately, there might be some mistakes we do in which life teaches us,,, forces us to redefine what actually love is.


A couple weeks ago, I happened to chat with my lovely sister, she told me that her almighty boyfriend cheated on her, for all her happy two years relationship. I asked her some questions:

me: Did you cry?
ms: Yes of course. It's so unbelievable that he cheats on me. And it's for these two years. How could I not know that he has another girlfriend?
me: Are you sure that it is girlfriend, not girlfriends? [try to break the ice ]
Why did you cry anyway, was that because you were sad?
ms: Not sad, but it's just... disappointed. How could I be such a fool to trust him?
me: So you are not sad... That means you are not that into him.
ms: Maybe.
me: Maybe? So what are you going to do next?
ms: I talked to my friends. They said that I might not cry for such kind of man, that I deserved someone better. But they also suggested... maybe I should just mess him up and ask for explanation.
me: Wo wo wo, take it easy my lady... [can such person even be considered "a man"?]. Stay in grace. Don't do anything disrespectful. We all know that what he did is not respectful, but that doesn't mean you have to do the same. Just stay calm, take your time, pretend that nothing happens, and see what he'll do next. And your friends are right, you deserve someone better. Look at you... you have a lot of things to offer. Why would you invest your time and energy on somebody who doesn't respect you?
ms: Yeah, a lot of handsome men out there.
me: Well... just one thing, be careful with someone handsome and someone kind. Now you see how your holy handsome boyfriend might turn to be.


a couple days after...

me: So how was it?
ms: He kept texting me nice words. He was nice and kind, as usual.
me: Hmm... that's interesting. So he doesn't realize that you already know that he cheats on you?
ms: Ya. I saw him dating his another girlfriend. And she is my friend. We know each other very well. How could he do that to us? What if the girl knows that he cheats on her?
me: Hmm... well...
[my mind flew somewhere far far away... to the edge of what is called 'stay angelic'... a breakthrough to what is called 'being cool' ]
There are people who like to play safe. Men might not feel guilty for that, some consider such thing as affair if they are bound to marriage. Before marriage, some men consider that as 'selection'.
ms: But that's not fair.
me: Well... Just don't let yourself do something unfair. Now you know the truth. Isn't it better to know it sooner?
ms: Yeah, right.

Again, my mind flew away.

You have pride when...
you value your self for good
you value your life for real
you love your self as best as you can grant
you respect and honor your self
such that you do not let your self suffered for no reasons
you do not let your self sad because of other's disrespectful behavior
you do not let your self drowning in unworthy things
you let your self shine to its brightest state
you let your self free to enjoy a life you do deserve
that you also gather all the merit in this universe
to respect another person's pride

*A hectic state, after watching 'Angels and Demons' and 'He's just not that into you' movies.

Happy smiling

“You haven't lost your smile at all, it's right under your nose. You just forgot it was there.”
~ unknown author ~

Hari ini baca berita, bahwa berdasarkan survey, Indonesia ada di posisi pertama sebagai negara yang rakyatnya paling murah senyum, pleus paling ramah cenah... Ngomong-ngomong tentang ramah, salah satu profesor di lab pun emang pernah cerita kalo yang paling berkesan saat kunjungannya ke Indo adalah keramahan... yang waktu itu malah kita mah nyimpulinnya, mereka mah excited-nya kayanya bukan karena niat ramah sebenernya, tapi karena excited liat ada bule, heheheh.

Ngomong-ngomong tentang senyum, Rachma diajarinnya harus banyak senyum ... di depan orang yang gak disukai sekalipun. Bahkan ketika lagi ngobrol pun, ngobrolnya sedemikian sehingga seolah-olah lagi senyum (tepatnya di antara senyum dan ketawa). Cenah itu teh akan menunjukkan air wajah (hahay, idiom bahasa Indonesia ) yang ramah, menyejukkan, pleus menentramkan hati (diborong semua ). Singkat cerita, Rachma terbiasa untuk sering senyum sama orang, tapi jarang ngomong (bukan bermaksud jaim, tapi... yah, gimana ya... Rachma cerewetnya ama yang deket aja sih, jadi kalo gak mau dicerewetin sama Rachma, ya berarti jangan kenal deket ). Kalo dulu mah pas masih kecil, ama salah satu Uwak seringnya dibilangin: "Neng... matanya bagus, senyumnya manis,,, sering-sering senyum ya....". Rachma yang masih polos pun senang-bahagia-tersipu-tersanjung , dan sangat percaya sama perkataan sang Uwak, terdoktrin dengan kuatnya, menghasilkan kepedean tingkat tinggi, hihihihi. Makanya ama anak kecil mah mesti hati-hati kalo ngomong, percaya-percaya ajah soalnya, haha. Tambah lagi ama Mama atau mMih suka dipanggil: si sayang, si geulis... ato kalo ketemu sodara yang jarang ketemu, suka dikomenin: Neng, meni tambih geulis wae.... ah, udah weh, eta mah bibit-bibit kenarsisan tumbuh dengan suburnya, kekekek . Ato dulu pas di kampus waktu masih sering ngasi tutorial kidas TPB, baik yang kerja sama antarhimpunan ato yang ama gamais ato kabinet, kan suka ada daftar hadir pleus kolom komen/kritik/saran... terus suka ada yang ngisi komen "Teteh pengajarnya cantik"... dan Rachma lebih suka baca komen-komen itu dibanding yang beneran kritik saran, nyahahahaha... . Udah gitu, sekarang di Groningen... tiba di suatu kawasan di mana jiwa artis adalah syarat wajib jadi warga Groningen, hihihihi, jadi weh kenarsisan berkembang sangat pesaaaat....


Senyum bisa dianggap sebagai terapi, dalam artian kalo lagi sutres dan mumet...coba deh luangkan waktu untuk ngambil nafas panjang, terus senyum. Karena senyum identik dengan kebahagiaan, setidaknya dengan membiasakan sering senyum, kita belajar meng-acknowledge... apapun yang terjadi... hidup ini indah dan sudah sepantasnya disyukuri. Senyum juga bisa jadi signature. Tiap orang punya senyum yang khas. Yah, walopun ada grade-grade tersendiri, hehe, ada yang senyumnya biasa aja, ada yang ampe bisa bikin orang terpesona. Tapi, Rachma kira semua orang setuju, lebih seneng liat orang senyum daripada yang lagi cemberut (oke..oke, ada pengecualian, nu geulis mah lagi cemberut pun tetep we geulis, ahahahahah ).


Senyum adalah shadaqah, tidak hanya bagi orang lain... tapi juga bagi diri sendiri. Jadi, mari kita budayakan senyum. Let's brighten up our days... Happy smiling!

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles.
It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.
(Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.)

Observation

I am not a person who easily trusts somebody. Well, I have prejudice that as long as I cannot prove that someone is lying, I have to be able to accept a premise that the person is not lying. To accept the premise that someone is not lying doesn't necessarily mean that I trust the person.... hahaha, kitu we lah pokoknya .


So, if for example... after a couple of months, or maybe years, I find out that someone is lying or kind of hiding something... sure deep down I feel a bit sad, but mostly I am grateful to know it sooner. No grudges, no hates, cause I am more excited to invest my energy on gaining weight than hating someone, heheh. Yeah... why should I hate somebody anyway? Hating someone is not a must thing to do, right? I try my best to understand that every person has their own reason to do something. Even if it's something that I can't understand clearly, sure I have no rights to mess it up only to feed my curiousity. Let's just leave the rest to common sense.

It's really interesting to observe some attitudes of a person who cares so much about the image-related things. For example, a person made a mistake, then asked for apology, then made sure I was not angry, then bla... bla... bla. Well, by default, I have abundance forgiveness to share (lebay ), I have great ability to accept broadband attitudes, I am well-trained to do so. But as the question "why should I hate you?" is kind of tricky to explain, then the same goes to "why should I trust you?". Sometimes, in a devil mode , I find it funny when a person cares so much about what the other people thinks. I mean, if the person is really good person... even if people think he/she is bad person, the person is still good person. God knows that, and so do the angels, and most importantly his/her self. And when a person does bad things, even if the other people don't know what he/she is doing, that doesn't change the history that the person does something bad. And when a person, for example, defend his/her self with a lot of argument or theory... there will be one point to face: will the reasoning also be valid in front of God? If yes, then the person is safe, if not.. then what other people think will not help at all.


Let's say, by default I respect every person. But as time goes by, the respect value (aha, teori baru ) may increase or decrease, or maybe disappear at all. In fact, I can live really well with a person I don't respect at all. Haha, and yeah, I find it scary sometimes... to understand that I have the ability to potray a very nice attitude, even in front of a person I don't respect.


As a person who is usually able to find happiness in every moment by my self... I find it really refreshing to know somebody who is genuinely kind to others. Based on one question: is this person also longing another person to be kind to him/her, to make him/her happy? And for some reasons, I like to give some surprises to such person. With one intention: I want the person to smile nicely. Even if I don't see it in person, even when the person is a complete stranger... knowing someone happy is always nice. This nice feeling is true except in a devil mode, when I know that a person who has done something bad is unhappy for some reasons... sometimes... the devil inside me whispers: it serves you right ... .... huehehehe, makanya minimal baca istighfar per hari tuh 100 kali,,, hihihi.

Tune up

Bed! Bed! I couldn't go to bed!
My head's too light to try to set it down!
Sleep! Sleep!
I couldn't sleep tonight
Not for all the jewels in the crown!

I could have danced all night!
I could have danced all night!
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before

I'll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once
My heart took flight

I only know when he
began to dance with me
I could have danced
danced, danced all night!

(It's after three now)
(Don't you agree now)
(She ought to be in bed)

I could have danced all night!
I could have danced all night!
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before

I'll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced
danced all night!

(I understand, dear)
(It's all been grand, dear)
(But now it's time to sleep)

I could have danced all night,
I could have danced all night.
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings,
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.

I'll never know
What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced,
danced All night!

~ I could have danced all night, OST My Fair Lady ~

Hari ini cenah Queen's day, warna orange mewarnai Belanda. Tambahan lagi, hari ini jual beli bebas pajak, jadi tadi ada iklan Wehkamp via email, dengan segala macem diskonnya. Tapi tetap sajah, hari ini dihabiskan dengan tidur seharian, eheheheheh. Sama sekali gak merasakan hiruk pikuk koninginnedag. Asli hibernasi, dan pas sore pun nge-lab. Abis itu ya balik lagi ke kosan mantengin laptop.


Well, eniwei... akhirnya, setelah surfing di dunia maya... kemarin jadi juga ngeklik betaal nu, hehehe. Padahal ini udah niat gak akan belanja-belanja. Tapi, mengingat kemaren itu pas ngecek rekening ada uang masuk 140 euro [kembalian uang housing, mengingat para penduduk YB pada ngirit, jadi total biaya setahun yang digunakan lebih rendah dibanding yang telah dibayarkan pada yang punya housing, so... we got refund ]. And what I bought is...

...a new keyboard...
Yamaha EZ-200

Hahaha, niat eta mah. Abisnya aneh, ngeliatin piano lesson tanpa praktek . Itu pun setelah nanya-nanya,,, keyboard bisa masuk bagasi pesawat ato gak (in case I will take it home). Mu beli yang high-end, sayang.... pengennya sekalian aja beli grand piano (tapi ini mah setelah settle punya rumah sendiri, kayanya). So, I am really looking forward to the new keyboard. Karena setelah beberapa kali mantengin video piano lesson, and move my hand as if my fingers touch the keyboard, dengan sadar hati menyadari... ternyata kalo jarang main jarinya jadi agak kaku. Jadi, biar lebih real, ya sudah, beli keyboard baru sajah. Alasan lain beli model EZ-200 adalah... tutsnya bisa nyala, lucuuuuu... heuheuheuheu.


Tadi ngobrol ma Mama, again, ngomongin keuangan. Rachma sebelumnya cerita sih kalo kemaren-kemaren belanja banyak, yang tentu sajah Mamahku tercinta langsung bertanya "emang belanja apa aja... bla bla bla", tapi waktu itu Rachma gak jelasin belanja apa ajanya mah (lagian gak wajib kan? Heheheheh ... mulai bandel ). Dan tadi pas ngobrol lagi pun, Rachma gak cerita kalo uangnya dipake lagi buat beli keyboard baru, hihihihi, cuman nyanggupin transfer lagi dalam waktu dekat. Kadang, kalo kondisi hati lagi kurang baik, suka kepikiran gini... kenapa Rachma mesti nabung banyak? Bisnis ini lah, itu lah, punya ini punya itu, bikin ini bikin itu... isn't that what a man should be doing? I imagine that will be very cool for a man to have so much assets at such a young age ... you know, kind of making him so well-prepared for the future. But for me... hmmm, well ... let's just consider it cool also... , maybe that thought will make the world a bit simpler.

Let's play the music and we'll sing
dance together in a harmony
melt our heart within the melody
grasp the hope and spark the love
altogether in our wonderful world

Verjaardag

Berdasarkan kalender Masehi, hari ini adalah milad yang ke-24. Sedangkan menurut kalender Hijriah, Rachma lahir tanggal 5 Sya'ban 1405... yang artinya umur 24 nya udah lewat tahun lalu... karena tanggal 5 Sya'ban yang terdekat jatuh pada tanggal 27 Juli tahun ini (tapi tahunnya 1430 H, berarti menurut kalender Hijriah, tanggal segitu udah umur 25). Eniwei, 24... angka yang lebih dari cukup menandakan ketuaan, dua lusin kalo kata temen mah. Heuheuh, gak kerasa... perasaan masih umur 17 gitu... hihihi... bahkan ada yang pernah nyangka Rachma masih SMP... Omigoood, asal jangan nyangka Rachma masih SD aja deh, kan kenyataannya udah S3 gituuu....


Hari ini tentunya tidaklah berbeda dari hari-hari sebelumnya... hanya saja, ada satu perasaan... "lebih siap menghadapi hidup". Ya,,, anggap aja bahwa milad kali ini adalah momentum untuk merealisasikan kedewasaan. Dan.. yang dilakukan di hari pertama umur 24 adalah... tidur seharian, hehehe, asli hibernasi eta mah. Soalnya hari-hari sebelumnya terlalu semangat namatin suatu serial ampe 5 season, huehehehe. Alhasil, wiken dijadikan pelampiasan tidur panjang. It's still a lovely day though.


I do have a lot of wishes, but this time... I like to keep them secret :) . Some of you might guess them right, heheheh. Sangat berterima kasih pada semua yang masih ingat milad Rachma, makasih banyak atas do'anya, atas perhatiannya, atas surprisenya. Semoga Allah membalas dengan yang lebih baik. It's so wonderful to realize,,, I do have a lot of nice friends around. Hope I can treasure all of you better.


Have a great day, everybody.

Collectible

Vorige dag ben ik naar Keukenhof geweest... Yay, de tweede maal .... tulpen te zien, heel mooie bloemen.

Anyway, some impulsive actions happened lately . Yap, I get stressed. Well, it's PhD world, so it's not that surprising to get stressed everyday... but this time, it's like tearing my body apart. I mean it. I am so tired... . So yeah, again, I lose some of my weight. I don't have any appetite to eat. Have no energy left to prepare some healthy food. I happened to feel like working without feeling. No fun, no excitement.... it's just boring, yet I have to finish it soon. Plus, my energy was absorbed too much to understand the world, whatever you name it, it exhausted my soul.

So, I bought some things collectible:
- apparels. Some new silk/chiffon dresses of this spring collection. Also another funky-wangky collections from Esprit, Mexx, and Fila... and another Triumph's design too . Some people might wonder why a single woman spends some money on lingerie, which no body will see it. Well, it' s just a matter of pampering my body. I work so hard to earn money. This body deserves to have some nice fabrics. And I feel more comfortable. So who cares if no body sees it anyway.
- jewelry. I bought some necklaces. Again, I wear it for my self . When I am in a big stress, it's just refreshing to see and wear something sparkling, heheheh. Some are made of pearl (the Tahitian's are cute), sapphire, ruby, amethyst, some other cute stones-you name it. I start to like sterling silver even more, it's cheap .
- skin care. Again, I bought some new things. I just feel like taking care of my body more intensively. I really like the new nail buffer, it's Ezflow pro shine nail buffer. It works great. Also I like my new lip gloss, Dior Rouge Creme de Gloss 255. Dior's collection does knows how to pamper its customer. Oh well, I bought a jump-rope for skipping too. So before and after starting my day in the lab, I do some exercises. Again, to take care of my body,,, my health, heheh.

Ezflow Pro Shine



Dior Creme de Gloss 255

When I saw the latest statement of my bank account... ... wakwaw ... hueheheh. Just kidding. I did spent some money. But ... well, it's supposed to be worth it. And believe me, when you buy something more than 10 euros for one item, then it's expensive . The Esprit and Mexx T-shirt costed each around 6 euros (from original price 30-40 euros... yay! I love aanbieding). But yeah,,, a piece of silk dress costs me around 20 dollars, yet I bought it, oh well... more than one.... because they are cuteeeeeeee...heuheuheu.


It's my money, but somehow I feel ... hmm... weird, kind of feeling guilty maybe. I am supposed to save a lot this month, but... Mommy... sometimes your cute innocent daughter does needs some gorgeous things around to excite her life more, so please understand....



So based on calculation, I may not use my having-fun-fund for the next two, oh no ... three months....


Owh, may gawd...

...




And to entertain my self, I just watched a lot of series of Barbie's movies. Haha, you just need to sit nicely in front of your laptop, bring some food, no need to think,... just watch the cartoons moving and acting by them selves, and by the time you just know that the movie ends already... then watch another movie, and so on, and so on....

Sometimes, I don't know what I am actually doing....

Seize the day

There was a little girl, living in a really happy world. She was taught how to live the life to the fullest. Clearly shown to her, a good girl should be strong, brave, never afraid of anything. A good girl is always happy and showing happiness. She knows how to have her act together, hides her sadness and never shows any trace of sorrow. A good girl should smile a lot, a perfect one. Always cheerful and know how to embrace the environment. A good girl never holds grudges, always forgives. A good girl always speaks something meaningful, always thinks before acting. A good girl knows how to spread the breeze of a peaceful life. A good girl walks her life path with grace and dignity....

Maybe, the world is not as simple as I think, as I used to live in. Maybe I am not as strong as I was taught to be. There are many times I can't bear something, that I let my tears falling down. There are a lot of emotional stories I am supposed to hide, the gloom I am supposed to suppress, yet I write them on a blog, share them with you. There are times I just can't understand something to the point that I let my self holding a piece of sadness. There are a lot of times I forget to give a perfect hi and smile. There are times when I feel so weak, to the state that I feel my heart scattered unreasonably. There is time ... I really miss the little girl of me.


Every person is forced to grow up, as the world demands it. Yet some realities get crashed with the edge of my stubborn beliefs. I get confused sometimes, to really deal with a real world. At some points, I am also afraid of many things, showering my self with a lot of doubts, weakening my own strength. I try my best to be strong, yet I lose some faith on my own hope. To just realize, sometimes I just can't stand on my own feet. It hurts my pride, for some reasons. I am always ensured to value my life, but maybe... I value my self too high. Silence might cover the vulnerable me, shaded with a nice smile. And I might act really well, as a lot of people envy my life for sure. Yet I am looking for the real meaning, to the deepest part of my soul, to find the beautiful jewel that I might forget.


I want to sharpen my heart, open my mind a lot wider, accept the truth more bravely, as the little girl was always taught: Live the life to the fullest ... with grace and dignity. I do believe, the future is always bright and better ;).


... Ready to be a mature grown up.
The wonderful world is in your hand, girl.
Get up, dress up, show up, and speak up.
Hueheheheh



*gambar diambil dari web.

A panegryc

* Gambar diambil dari web

Di malam yang sunyi dan sesenyap ini
Dapatkah kumohon pada Yang Esa
Masihkah tampak manis raut wajahku
Masihkah seputih kapas di hatiku
Bilakah tak kukoyak mata hatiku
Oh mungkinkah

Begitu besarnya kasih-Mu untukku
Karunia dari-Mu setiap waktu
Tanpa-Mu tak kan indah jalan hidupku
Tanpa-Mu tak kan mudah nikmat rizki-Mu
Karena-Mu s'lalu bersyukur saat ini
Ku beranjak dewasa

Semoga hidup ini kulalui dengan hati
Yang seterang bintang-bintang indah bertaburan
Tanpa kecewa, amarah, prasangka ... oh ....

Dan semoga selalu kujalani perintah-Mu
Tuhan bimbinglah diriku
Penuh kasih, Yang Maha Pengasih
Doaku selalu
Di malam ini


~ Sherina Munaf, Aku beranjak dewasa, My life (2002) ~

Ketika waktu berlaju tanpa ragu
Ketika bumi berputar sedemikian rupa
Ketika dunia hiruk pikuk dengan segala rona cerita
Ketika usia senantiasa bertambah tak terasa
Ketika tiap hembus nafas ini bagaikan langkah-langkah rintih menuju kubur-Mu
Ya Allah,
Ya Rabbal álamin,
Jagalah diri ini senantiasa dalam keridhaan-Mu....

Why do I feel a little bit uneasy to welcome my upcoming birthday?

Pi ec di

Kesuksesan menjalani profesi sebagai seorang PhD (Doctor of Philosophy) dapat diformulasikan sebagai fungsi dari x:

x = waktu kerja, konteks kontrak 4 tahun

q = taqdir!
d = doá
a = keajaiban
b = keberuntungan
s = kesehatan fisik dan mental (yang berkaitan ma semangat kerja maksudnya )
e = eksperimen di lab
l = literatur yang dipahami
v = kreativitas kerja
i = interpretasi tepat terhadap literatur, eksperimen, dan olah data
s = kesalahan kerja: salah ngitung, salah nambah zat, salah baca jurnal, salah baca/ngolah data, dan salah-salah lainnya
m = malas, moody
t = stres karena deadline (plus group meeting, report, ato poster! ), homesick, suntuk, bete, sedih, ato mungkin masalah hati
p = pendapat konstruktif dari supervisor, temen lab; so iye baca buku dan jurnal; hasil berbosan ria ngehadirin konferensi, seminar, group meeting, kolokium, dan meeting-meeting lainnya
j = jalan-jalan, liburan (ngahedon! ) [dengan sadar hati mengakui variabel ini fungsinya selevel dengan kegiatan “menuntut ilmu”]
f = fesbuk, frenster, yutub, dan lain-lain yang ngabisin waktu (yang dilakukan saat jam kerja, mungkin online shopping masuk juga di sini, heheh )



Disclaimer: fungsi PhD(x) ini sewaktu-waktu dapat berubah tanpa alasan yang jelas. Kalopun gak ada penjelasan rasional, maka akan dicari latar belakang, teori, dan konklusi, sedemikian sehingga fungsi PhD(x) ini jadi tampak rasional.

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kadang profesi ibu rumah tangga tampak lebih menggiurkan....